Really confused

I am in my 60's and my boyfriend is in his late 50's. We have been seeing each other for almost three years. He says he loves me but we live not very far apart and I see him (if I am lucky) one time per week. We actually make love on an average of once per month if not longer. He says he just doesn't desire sex very often. I asked him the other night on the phone what kind of relationship he really wants to have with me and he said "I am going to have to think about it" and "I don't know what I want".


He will not communicate so usually this is his way of just not talking about anything. In almost three years we have actually sit down ONE time and talked about our problems. Because of him not wanting to have sex very often he told me that "he doesn't think he is the one to make me happy" but when I ask if he wanted to quit seeing me he said "no I love you with all of my heart and I will go to my grave lovin you".

I was crushed that he won't bend and he tells me that it's just his core that maybe he is meant to be alone. I think he just loves me and that I am IN love with him. I cried for a week after our talk and now I don't know what to do. I feel like if he can't tell me what kind of relationship he wants that he doesn't want one at all but on the other hand I feel like this is just a way to not discuss things. After almost three years if he is going to fall IN love with me, wouldn't he have done so by now? Thank you to anyone who might help me with this situation.

Noel's response

It sounds as though he is pretty much a loner, and I suspect you are getting as much from him as you are going to get. If that is not enough, you may have to look elsewhere.

You are right... if he was going to 'fall in love with you', he would have done so by now.

You might also see a counselor yourself to help you figure out exactly what you want in a relationship, and discern clearly whether you are EVER likely to get it from him.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.