Recovering

I am recovering from my husband's MLC. One day while sitting near my husband's laptop I decided to turn it on to see what he had been up to. I saw that he was checking out a skanky coworker on Facebook. When I confronted him about this, he initially said they were just friends but I didn't buy it. He admitted an attraction but kept saying it was just friends. Then I found his calendar where he was keeping track of his interactions with the skanky ho at work. He just turned 50 and skank is 28. The skank sleeps with lots of men at work, is married and has two young children. During an argument, I asked my husband to leave. He pleaded to stay and work it out and admitted to buying the skank a piece of jewelry that he said was inexpensive ($200). The skank was supposed to transfer elsewhere so he bought her this gift as a goodbye but conveniently gave it to her before Christmas. I had to buy my own Christmas present and give it to myself and say it was from him. This was the way he was with gifts for most of our marriage. He told me he felt guilty about the jewelry and it had bothered him for quite some time. I ended up finding out he was staling her on Facebook daily. It was disturbing. He was really dishonest about a lot of things. He said he felt we had become distant which was news to me. He said he had this crush on her for almost two years.

A lot of tears have been shed by both of us. We came to an agreement that he needed to leave jobs or transfer. That is in the process. A few weeks ago out of nowhere he came into the house and began crying. He said he realized all of the awful things he did to me and how much it hurt him knowing he hurt me. I suspected for months it was MLC but when he cried, he talked about a lot of things including how much he hates his job and how he is worried about his own mortality as well as mine and of his elderly mother's.
Prior to this skank drama, things were good between us. He was never the type to stray. This is what makes this all so painful. He insists he is over the immature, irresponsible stuff and that he has worked on and continues to work on this transition.
How do I know if he is sincere? I would like to believe that he is but I have to say I am terrified of going through this again.

Comments for Recovering

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May 08, 2016
Thanks
by: Elisa

Thank you for your reply. I tried replying earlier but not sure what happened. Anyway, I have not touched the laptop. I don't believe he had sex with her but it's the lies and deception that really have me. I know this is a confusing time for him and am hopeful it is behind him.

May 06, 2016
thanks
by: Anonymous

Thank you. I havent checked his laptop in months. I believe this may be a step in the right direction for me. I just find this so painful at times. I know things are better I am just afraid it will happen again and i just cannot bear that. I try to temind myself that his MLC is not about me and that I didnt do anything wrong but it still hurts. Thank you for your reply.

May 06, 2016

by: Noel

The best advice I can give is to take it one day at a time. You will know as time goes on whether he is being sincere.

I also suggest you stop snooping in his laptop. Even though he had a 'crush' on the co-worker, it does not sound as though he actually had an affair with her. Many, if not most of us, have an attraction to someone else at some point during our married life. Most of us do not act on it, and in time the attraction passes. Our partner finding out about this attraction is not helpful in any way, and can do a lot of damage, as you know.

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