Separation

by John brown
(Newzealand)

We have been separated for seven years, marriage was too hard as my wife became so depressed, I learned after our marriage that she had been raped as a young teen, also she had been so physically beaten growing up. she has been to numerous Drs, councilors as I did too for a whole year to try and keep us together, I looked after the children as well as working, she left the home and didn't want anything to do with me for At least three years. We share our business and over time we are together, and seem to be enjoying each others company again. my wife says she can manage her depression better now, and would like to get our marriage back, we do seem to have some love still, could you see this working? my wife does not enjoy sex and that worries me as she may close the door on me again with no intimacy. During the seven years apart I have had a wonderful relationship with a divorced woman for four years, She has been divorced for five years, she would like to Deepen our relationship, I also would like too, but I am a Christian and feel so guilty about my marriage, and how my grown children would react if I left my marriage, can you help and suggest some ideas for me please?


Noel's response

Unless both of you have changed significantly, I imagine your marriage would be much like before. Regarding sex, you might simply ask your wife if she wants sex. If she equivocates, or tries not to answer the question directly, you'll know she doesn't want sex, and you will have to decide whether you want to be in a sexless relationship.

I assume your grown children know about your current relationship with the woman you mentioned? If so, how do they feel about her now?

As far as being a Christian, and getting divorced, I had a similar struggle when my second wife and I split up (my first wife died in a car accident). My wife wanted a divorce, and I tried for several years to keep us together, largely because I had sworn an oath 'for better or worse', and most of our marriage was 'for worse'. When I finally agreed to divorce, I felt very sad for a couple of weeks, as we had tried hard to stay together, and then I began to feel immensely relieved. I have now been in a wonderful marriage for twenty two years with a woman who I had known as a friend through church.

In spite of a comment Jesus made about marriage (as you recall, we was referring to Moses' allowing divorce), I can't imagine a God that wants two people who are miserable being together to live out their lives in that misery.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.