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Seven Years: Gone

by Angelique
(New York)

My husband and I were great the first year of our marriage, having built it on the premise of absolute love and acceptance, of growth together. We moved across the nation and settled in to a wonderful little town and SNAP! He became obsessed with personal success. He couldn't celebrate our first anniversary, telling me it wasn't a big enough milestone, saying we would celebrate our first million, our first house. He slowly became irritated with my very existence, he pulled away. When he realized he wanted to become a psychologist and began school, I though he'd be happy at finding a great career path by 30. But he wasn't. He became angry at the journey, saying how he should have started school ten years ago. He would suffer outbursts under stress, if he felt stupid about a piece of homework, he would take it on me. He rips family members and friends to pieces to me, whittling them down to nothing in his head, yet he says he loves them.Two years ago, he attempted to romantically pursue a 17 year old girl and when I confronted him, he was angry that he wasn't allowed to "feel" things for her. He stated she looked like a girl from high school that he never had the courage to speak to and wanted to show himself he had the courage to do so 33. I asked him to seek therapy, he wouldn't. His depression and annoyance continued, he went into therapy finally after I demanded that he do so after attacking our teenage son to the point that I had to threaten to call the police. Three months into counseling, and a few weeks after being accepted to grad school, he asked me for divorce. He says we're not madly in love anymore and marriage counseling is not an option. He says he doesn't care about what anyone thinks or feels anymore in his life. He began taking selfies of himself to look like a 26 year old grad student on social network sites rather than a 35 year old grad student. I have to let him go and do this...I have no choice. He has since stopped his therapy. He has all the red flags of crisis...but he doesn't know it. I hope somehow he becomes happy, I just wish I could be there to see it.

Noel's response

I agree with your decision. It sounds from what you say that he has more than just a midlife transition problem. Often people go into psychology studies not realizing it is them that need the help.

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