Sex with husband during MLC or uncertainty

by Mary
(Uk)

A month ago hubby said he needed space and didn't know what he wanted anymore and so he moved a few things into a friend's house, since then he has visited midweek to see the children (11 and 13), who think he’s working away (at his request) so they are oblivious, and he’s stayed each weekend, sometimes sleeping with me and sometimes I manage to get myself in the spare room. I’m enjoying sex with him but it messes me up the next day and I have told him more than once that the sex can’t continue. He’s admitted he still loves me and enjoys being at home but that he still needs space. I do not push him, i’ve got over any upsetting times (more or less), i’ve said what i’ve needed to say (calmly over a period of visits). He does blame me for how he feels and i’ve accepted that and have started to make changes which he has noticed, he will not take any responsibility for his failings in the marriage as he’s fully focused on himself. He’s talked about renting somewhere but despite saying he’ll start to look, he hasn’t. I thought it was me he was trying to escape from but I think it’s the whole family. This weekend he stayed Sat and Sun and I expected him to leave on Monday but he didn’t, he stayed. I was going to deliver a birthday present to our sister-in-law and he chose to come with us and he and his brother had a drink together. That night we had tea and afterwards I could tell he wanted to be alone so I went to bed (8pm). Next morning he joined me in bed for a coffee and told me that the previous night he’d felt very anxious, what with being with us all and his brother etc in the afternoon. That’s when I think I realised that he is perhaps feeling overwhelmed with his family around him. I really feel that he intends to come back (although he himself has said he has no idea whether he will or not). It confuses me that someone who can’t stay away may decide to stay away permanently. I’ve suggested to him that perhaps he takes a break this weekend to get the space he desires but he won’t. He has asked me if perhaps I might go away so he can spend time alone with the kids. That upset me at first but he said not to read into what he says as he visits to see us all, not just them. We’ve also been out for a couple of drinks whilst he’s visited and he says he’s enjoyed that time. I’ve decided to take myself off for the day on Saturday and in a couple of weeks i’m going away for the weekend, probably by myself, although i’ll be telling him its with a couple of work friends. I suppose what I want to know is should I continue to have sex with him as part of my love, understanding and patience whilst he's going through this or am I letting him have his cake?

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May 06, 2016

by: Noel

I suggest you stop having sex with him, as if he is choosing to be away from you, coming home for a visit should not come with benefits. Cutting off sex may more quickly help him figure out what he wants to do.

Perhaps other readers will have other recommendations.

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