Should I leave or Should I stay.......

by Monique
(Seattle, WA)

I have a boy friend for 4 yrs and he doesn't seem know what he wants in his life. I care deeply for this man at the beginning in our relationship but now I don't wish to input anymore effort into our relationship. My heart and everyone else tells me, he is not the one and need to move on with life but he somehow convince me stay every time I suggested break up and next day he acts like nothing ever happen.


I really like to know if he is afraid to making commitment and fear to loosing me or simply doesn't want to marry to me? Why can't I just break up with him and what is wrong with me?

He has a 21 years old daughter and still lives with him. I met her when she was in senior high. She lost her mom by drunk driver when Jessica (his daughter) was 2 yrs old.

When he is in my house to come visit, Jessie would call him to come home and I would be very upset because we only see each other between work and my school schedule. I tried to respect her and understand the way and how she is now because her mom isn't her life but I have never been invite to any functions of hers other than her birthday because she wants something expensive from me.

Last night he supposed to come see me but he had to changed plans because Jessie asked him to celebrate dead mom's birthday. Every year they are doing something on her mom's dead anniversary and birthday. Is that me or really weird?

Moreover, I don't think she dislikes me but she doesn't respect me as her father's girl friend or maybe my culture background. I came to U.S myself when I was 24 yrs old and had to worked two jobs and attended to school at night from very old traditional background other hand, she still going to junior college for 4yrs and hasn't working in her life and she has a extra income that coming from mom's death insurance monthly .

He (boy friend) is now 50 yrs old and I'm 35 and have a young son. I work full time while go to school at night because I have been divorce for 3yrs and I know what I want pretty much set and have my goal to accomplish in the future except, my boy friend is only focus on his daughter and I'm just a third wheels. His daughter never talks me in the eyes and only when her dad is in the present. I think I should just leave this relationship even though he says he loves me but he doesn't fully commit to me or respect from his daughter. Should I give him a chance to work it out and work harder to get along with his daughter? please help me.
Thank you for reading.
Seattle, Monique

Noel's response

I think the two of them - your boyfriend and his daughter - are giving you a very clear message: she wants her dad to herself, and there will NEVER be room for you unless they finish grieving the dead mother and move on.

For what it's worth, my advice is to end the relationship and move on.

Comments for Should I leave or Should I stay.......

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Sep 02, 2011
leave or go
by: Anonymous

He's been grieving her longer than he was married to her. You both need to talk about his feelings for her. You will always have a part of the love for that person with you but must put it to rest in order to move on. If you stay, accept that there may have been past loves in his life, but be sure that you are presently his greatest!

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