Stages of Midlife Crisis

My husbands midlife crisis is confusing the heck out of me. He was once a warm loving man who would do absolutely anything for his family.

He has been going through his midlife crisis for 1 1/2 - 2 years now. It started with him emotionally withdrawing from his family, and escalated to him becoming a mean, hateful person who took great pleasure in trying to hurt me. I stayed as long as I could but for my sanity I ended up leaving.

Over the past couple of months whenever we had any kind of communication all we did was fight. It was such ugly fighting. Before his midlife crisis, sure we had disagreements but never, never fought like we have been lately.

He even started having temper tantrums. Whenever he felt that he wasn't getting his way he would revert to having a temper tantrum like a little kid. After awhile these temper tantrums became rather amusing to me. But I never laughed at him or put him down in anyway when he was having these tantrums.

Last week when he came to pick up our son he came into the house. He seemed totally different. He looked and acted like a broken man who is hurting deeply. While we were talking I told him that before he always told me that he didn't love me and that he never did, and that those were just words coming out of his mouth, but a person eyes don't lie. And that his eyes says that he still loves me. After I said that to him he would look every where else but at me. When I asked him why he wouldn't look at me he told me that if he did then he would just get mad...at me. I questioned him and asked if it was because he would just get mad at himself.

Lately when my 15 year old son comes home after spending time with his dad, he has been telling me that he thinks that his dad is depressed. That he hardly talks to anyone, sleeps alot, and seems really really sad. And after witnessing my husband last week I am beginning to wonder if my son is right.

I guess my question is is it possible to determine if he is beginning to realize the damage that his midlife crisis and done to not only our marriage but to our family, and is beginning to regret everything?

Noel's response

I don't know the answer to your question. The only one with the answer to that question is him. The only question you can get a clear answer to is what your role is in maintaining any animosity between you. Even if he turned angry and even mean, it takes two in order to carry on this kind of dysfunctional relationship over time.

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