Tell me what is going on in his head!!!

by Hollie
(USA)

It's now been 48 days since our "crisis" began (crisis being an "inappropriate" texting relationship") and I still don't know what to think, or how to feel. He says he loves me every day. He kisses me good bye and when I get home. He holds me at night, but nothing intimate. He says he doesn't want to complicate matters more.

He thanks me for doing laundry and all the normal things I've done for 18 years, with very few thank yous. Yet when I ask questions or try to talk, he says I'm trying to control him. I'm just trying to help him and me understand what is going on. I don't know what he's thinking. Sometimes I don't feel like I know him anymore. I'm trying desperately to NOT talk about this, yet I'm constantly on the verge of tears and the least little thing will set me off. He asks why the tears and all I can say is it just hurts. He's always been affectionate, but it seems like he forces himself to be now. Will this ever make sense??

Noel's response

I know it doesn't look like it now, but it will make sense eventually. Transitions can take a while.

I produced a short video a few days ago as part of the re-launch of my book "A Harley Or My Wife" that could be helpful in understanding the situation. I wrote it for men, but you might find it useful as well: Men's Midlife Transitions