The signs are there!

The Question


My husband of 15 years told me last week that he no longer loved me but he didn't want anything to change. Almost immediately, he pushed me away.

He has since moved out and left me and his two young sons (7&10). He tells me there is no one else and I believe him. He goes on and on about how old he looks, (he is only 42), and wanting a Ducati motorbike. He has lost a fair bit of weight and has stopped doing a lot of the things he enjoyed doing with us, his family.

He puts his work before anything else including working things out with me. He wants to be friends and we have no choice as we have children together but I am struggling. I want him home where I know he is safe, where his family is, but he says he needs time and space. He comes over everyday to see the kids and it is really upsetting the normality that I am trying to establish in our sons lives as well as mine.

He says he doesn't want me to give up but I have told him, I have to move forward for the sake of our sons. He has me dangling by my heart strings.

Noel's response

I know a number of couples who have separated during a transition (sometimes his idea, sometimes hers), and got back together when the transition was complete.

He is asking for time, and it is up to you to decide whether to give it to him. You mention you have to move forward for the sake of your sons. Does moving forward mean divorce?

My suggestion is you decide what you need, with or without him, and let him know what you intend to do. He can then decide what he will do.

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