Unmet needs

Thanks for this very helpful website Noel, my husband is 57 and I am a young and healthy 61.


Having passed through my menopause I still enjoy our love making but lately my husband has complained of being tired and not wanting sex, this is upsetting me as I'm worried he doesn't find me sexually desirable any more, but he's constantly telling me he loves me.

He had great difficulty accepting my menopause having little knowledge about the female workings other than how they "look" on the outside, that is very important to him!

he's recovering from an addiction to soft porn web sites which I found out he'd been looking at on and off for most of our 24 year marriage, behind my back. I couldn't cope with his deceit , as a Christian woman I believe the Bible when it says if a man looks at a woman with lust it is committing adultery in his heart, it certainly felt like adultery to me!

so we parted for almost a year, he promised to change his ways (with God's help) so I had him back. I suspect he's in mid life transition and coming to terms with the aging process in himself and me.

Is the sexual issue a big one with most men? I read a lot about mid life men's problems stemming from "UNMET NEEDS" could you please tell me what, in your opinion are the unmet needs? is there a list of the usual most common ones? Thanks A/anonymous

Noel's response

If you google 'men unmet needs midlife' you find all kinds of responses regarding unmet needs in both men and women.

Sex can be a big issue for men at midlife, as they often see their 'virility' as decreasing, and that causes stress. Women who believe their looks make them desirable can become very stressed at menopause when they no longer look 'young'. Men often believe their physical strength and ability to 'perform in bed' makes them desirable, and become stressed when that begins to decline, as it invariably does. I suspect it is hardwired in our brains to some degree.

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