What Am I Going to Do?
by A Blindgenealogist
Im 47 years old and I think I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis. I went back to school at 44, not because of this crisis but to do a change of career.
Back in 1994, I was told that I was going to be blind someday. I've had to go through a lot of life's irony and make lots of changes over the course of my lifetime.
You see, I've been hearing impaired since birth. I learned of my coming blindness at 34 years of age. Now, I'm nearly finished at school and acting like a total idiot by trying to be like some of my young traditional students (18-25 year-olds). Heck, I know I can be a father to most all of these kids. But I want to be like them, like I'm trying to relive my early school years.
THEN I want to be even more foolish, in that I want a homosexual relationship. In the past I've fought these feelings off but now they are becoming stronger.
It is like I'm having an identity crisis. It is like I'm not sure who I am and why I've continued to have these feeling at my age, when I should be happy with my life by now, but I'm not for some reason. I've been married twice. My current marriage of 14 years is still trying to work out but its getting harder and harder to deal with.
I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to deal with this one day at a time but it is hard. I'm finding myself wanting to take my life and try very hard to restrain myself.
Man, I hate this . . . 47, over weight, life it not enough, I hate my marriage, I'm hating my family, I want a gay relationship and I am disabled, not once but two times over.
A BlindgenealogistNoel's response
It sounds as though you are having quite a struggle. I think you would benefit from getting some counselling from a psychologist, or perhaps a psychiatrist. I don't know any in your area, but student services at your university should be able to recommend someone. They may even have counselling services there that could help.
And remember... this too shall pass, so don't give up!