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What Am I Going to Do?

by A Blindgenealogist
(Russellville AR)

The Question

Dear Noel:

Im 47 years old and I think I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis. I went back to school at 44, not because of this crisis but to do a change of career.

Back in 1994, I was told that I was going to be blind someday. I've had to go through a lot of life's irony and make lots of changes over the course of my lifetime.

You see, I've been hearing impaired since birth. I learned of my coming blindness at 34 years of age. Now, I'm nearly finished at school and acting like a total idiot by trying to be like some of my young traditional students (18-25 year-olds). Heck, I know I can be a father to most all of these kids. But I want to be like them, like I'm trying to relive my early school years.

THEN I want to be even more foolish, in that I want a homosexual relationship. In the past I've fought these feelings off but now they are becoming stronger.

It is like I'm having an identity crisis. It is like I'm not sure who I am and why I've continued to have these feeling at my age, when I should be happy with my life by now, but I'm not for some reason. I've been married twice. My current marriage of 14 years is still trying to work out but its getting harder and harder to deal with.

I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to deal with this one day at a time but it is hard. I'm finding myself wanting to take my life and try very hard to restrain myself.

Man, I hate this . . . 47, over weight, life it not enough, I hate my marriage, I'm hating my family, I want a gay relationship and I am disabled, not once but two times over.

A Blindgenealogist

Noel's response

It sounds as though you are having quite a struggle. I think you would benefit from getting some counselling from a psychologist, or perhaps a psychiatrist. I don't know any in your area, but student services at your university should be able to recommend someone. They may even have counselling services there that could help.

And remember... this too shall pass, so don't give up!

Comments for What Am I Going to Do?

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Feb 05, 2010
No Regrets, Just Go for it!
by: Blindgenealogist

Since you are asking me about how I feel about going to college at my age. I feel like I should have done this years ago, but I still never will change the way I feel now. I am respected for how I am. And as long as you keep this in mind, ?Treat others as I wanted to be treated.? Then life will be smooth.

Was it hard to go back, yes at first it was because I haven?t been in a school setting for over 25 years and what is harder is, I was thought in old school method and it took me over a year to figures out lots of stuff to keep up with my classmates. You need to be prepare to work harder in your first couple of years or so.

Homework? Well, yes it?s college, more than high school, lots of reading and writing. Especially the writing for the professor stressed very hard on plagiarism. We have to cite everything from our sources. If you go back to college be prepare to read and write A LOT!!!

I carried a 12 unit load (4 classes each semester), my days varies from 8 am until 4 pm to 8 am to 12 noon. It depends on the days of the week. I found it work best for me to go to school on Tuesday and Thursday and leave my other days for studying, reading, and researching, and especially writing.

For me I will never fit in because of my disability since most of these students are so young that they really don?t care to learn more about life as a deaf blind man. However, when I do get to know some of the students, they are the ones that care to listen to someone of my generation. But than again you could be different and get along with everyone of your own age down to young adults. It really has to do with how you are as a person and how you get along with people. You will find older adults going to school to. I would say that in my university we have about 15% of the student populous of 12,000 is non-tradition students (over 30). So you will find them. But you can get along with the young adult it just that depends on their personality.

If I had not decided to go back to college and I?m in my 60s or 70s. No regret because I would have had the best education in life, my early school education, my marriage, my family, my grandchildren, my job, my friends, etc., etc., etc. One should never regret those kinds of things. Yes, we can have regrets but for other reasons but if you are happy with yourself and what you?ve achieved up to this point in your life than you should be happy with your life decision. I wanted to go back to college because I wanted to get a higher degree to get a better job and to retrain myself to learn another job skill. Most of all, I wanted to learn more than what I have already got to learn in the past. There is no need for regret what you could have had. Just enjoy life and be grateful that you still have desire to go for it and achieve it. Don?t hesitate just go for it. We are always building our own city and improving it every day.

Feb 03, 2010
starting college at 47
by: Anonymous

This is not a comment but a question.

I am 47 years old. Just curious on how it felt going to college later in life.

How did the other student's treat you? Was it hard to get back into studying? Is there a lot of home work? How long was the average day? How did you feel, did you fit in, or did you feel out of place? Were there many other mature students? If you did not go back to college do you think that in later years you might have regreted not going?

I know it's a lot more than one question, but I would appreciate a response, if you have the time, it sound's like your plate is rather full.

Just remember, Rome was not built in a day. Good luck and thank you.

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