what is it about 50yrs?

I've been reading all these posts and am now really worried. My husband is 42 and am 32.is it wise to start having a future plan that does not include my husband when he turns 50? Should i start preparing emotionally, financially and mentally for that MLC?


It sounds so selfish what these men do to their wives and children after many yrs invested? is it even worth it to wait for when he starts having the craziness? I feel like bailing out and not have to invest too much in this marriage. i feel so sad for the women who have gone thru all that bad behavour called MLC. How come the women never leave their husbands of so many yrs during their menopause?

Noel's response

What you are seeing here is a skewed sample. All the submissions are from women (mostly) and men who are struggling in midlife. I am not sure what percentage of men go through this level of difficulty at midlife, but my guess is somewhere between 10-20 percent. I would not make future plans that do not include him based on the statistics here.

Women do leave their husbands at midlife, especially during menopause.

According to a groundbreaking new survey, commissioned by "AARP The Magazine", of 1,147 men and women aged 40 to 79 who experienced a divorce in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, - 66 percent of women reported that they asked for the divorce, compared with 41 percent of men. And men more often than women were caught off-guard by their divorce (the news blind-sided 26 percent of men, compared with 14 percent of women).

The good news is that overall, respondents emerged from the ordeal of later-life divorce far happier and emotionally healthier than most would have dared to hope at the outset.

Your comment regarding bailing out and not investing too much in your marriage makes it sound as though you are not very committed at the moment. If that is so, your lack of commitment could perhaps make it more likely you will end up divorced, as all marriages (including 'good' ones) go through times of struggle (not necessarily caused by MLC), and if both parties are not committed, it makes it difficult for the marriage to survive.

Comments for what is it about 50yrs?

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 28, 2012
BETRAYAL OF A SPOUSE
by: Anonymous

I'm almost approached my 2nd year since my husband has left me for another woman. We got a divorce and was pretty amicable. He still with this woman and I have a wonderful new boyfriend who I love.

But, when you have been blindsided by a spouse who you thought loved you deeply for over 30 years and always underlined it to me and the rest of the family, suddenly says he isn't, does something so psychologically damaging. I battle this horrible anxiety and hurt everyday and hope it will eventually fade. Betrayal like that from a long time family member is a hard one and not everyone, thank god, has to experience it. It feels similar to Post traumatic stress syndrome.

Yes, I do see a therapist, but it is something that you can't get over quickly. Its a emotion I have never felt before and at times I feel permanently altered.

Oct 25, 2012
midlife criss
by: Anonymous

my ex is now having sex with my ex best friend, not in a relationship just sex,he is also putting himself about wanting just sex with other women,finding himself. i now don't care what he does as my life is so much better without him,he is still a fool as he lost me for casual sex but his life get on with it, do what is best for yourself, self preservation!!!

Oct 24, 2012
50 years??
by: NWF

Those stats are skewed due to woman asking for the D for need of financials due to the husband walking out on them. Be skeptical of the stats.

Please do not worry about your H going thru this unless they have not dealt with much emotional stuff when they were 16-20 or so.

Hugs for you--do not waste your worrying--be happy now and later.

NWF

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.