What is wrong with my husband?

by Robin
(USA)

I am a almost 40yr woman married to a 47yr old man. Ever since we got together our communication levels just stunk, and still do. I try to talk to him about things that bother me or I feel that I do 90% of housework, kids, and school stuff..... Where my husband does 10%. He cooks and occasionally cleans house and the kitchen. We have no communication skills whatsoever and when I bring up a subject I think needs to be addressed, he immediately takes offensive to what I need him to listen to and starts to Yell, Stomps his feet around house loudly and storms out the door while slamming the door behind him. To me that is ignoring the questions and acting like a 3 yr old! Then when he returns back home, he acts like all is fine in the world as long as I dont bring that subject up again. Please help cause this has been going on for about 10 years now, and we have been together for 13 years, I m really ready to throw in the towel here.



Noel's response

Unless he will go to marriage counseling with you, I suspect nothing will change, and you might as well throw in the towel.
He is obviously terrified of authentic communication.

Comments for What is wrong with my husband?

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Aug 29, 2011
Been there as a husband
by: Baz (Australia)

I've been known to act like a 3yo on occaision but thankfully not very often because it's not a good look! Luckily I've got an easy going nature, but, well, everyone has their limits.

Your husband does need to talk to someone who will genuinely listen. He mightn't think you're the right person to talk to, because he thinks you're always bringing up your own baggage and don't REALLY care about his problems. Maybe a Counselor as Noel suggested.

So if you can get him to open up, that will help both of you immensely (don't forget to subordinate your own worries whilst doing this, or he'll throw another tanty). There is nothing more attractive to a bloke than having someone who really understands him, because it's takes a lot of weight off his shoulders.

If you can't get him to open up, threat him lovingly but firmly like you would a 3yo. Put him "figuratively" in the naughty corner when he's being silly. Tell him you expect more of him, because really what do you have to lose - just a lot of grief! He'll be the loser if he doesn't buck up.

I'm no professional but that's my thoughts on the matter.

Aug 25, 2011
universal problem
by: Anonymous

dear robin,
I'm 38 and been married for 15 years now. we have 3 lovely daughters. and we live in India.
what I'd like to draw your attention to is that your problem is so similar to what almost every Indian couple faces.. and whats more is that we don't have our menfolk helping in chores even 10%. of course we do have domestic help but that doesn't reduce the fact that everything to do with the kids an home is our sole responsibility.

In my 15 years of marriage there have been plenty times where the yelling foot stomping routine has happened. In addition.. its not considered a viable option to seek professional counseling.. so what i have done is to internalize all thought processes and rehearse what i would speak to resolve issues. its easy coz you do have a fair estimation of how your man would react.. so instead of being caught off guard with an inappropriate response that we make out of emotional instability, i think rehearsing a conflict resolving conversation in your head, would enable you to have better control to steer the conversation towards a breakthrough in communication depth between the two of you.

be firm but polite and hold his hands, tell him you love him while looking him in the eye. and every argument will be much more easier to resolve than the last one. its going to be hard work but look for little signs of agreement and take that as your foundation for resolving the next conflict. all my love and best wishes.

Marriages are not made fail-proof, we need to nurture them. and if our men wont do it , its coz they never know what they have till they lose it. if you love your man.. you wont want him to go thru the pain of loss just to be proved right. we women have to take the higher path.. be more mature, more sensible .. after all god trusted us with creating another life . you are strong enuf for both of you and believe that your marriage will survive.

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