When does a man's mid life crisis end?

My husband has shown specific signs of mid life crisis for about 6 years now. He is 42. One issue involves a woman he works with in his office. I can see that he prefers to spend time with her rather than me. My husband and I have 3 children ages 17-12. Our eldest is our only son who is autistic with other issues. My husband began connecting about 6 yrs ago with this woman who is in a bad marriage for many yrs. It was never sexual. My husband wants sex from me all the time. She is unattractive, evil, and manipulative. I believe honestly she is a man hater deep inside. From what i have heard she has stripped her husband and bosses of their masculinity and authority just through her words and manipulation. I am your typical good christian woman, not perfect but loving. I love my husband and he would do anything for me. I am a good wife and mother and faithful to him. But he will go out of his way to spend his day in the office on the days she is there. I just think he enjoys being with this woman. She has made subtle hints that she likes being with him and passive aggressive manipulation to make him stay in the office with her all day. (my husband works as a field supervisor and spends his other days when she is not there out in the field) he showers on the mornings she's working with him. It is just subtle things. I know they are not sexual and he is not attracted to her. I believe he is very flattered by her lonely need not being met in her failed marriage and this woman's desire to be around him. I am very uncomfortable with it and have expressed it over and over. As I said my husband would do anything for me except change in this regard with this woman. He always has an excuse why he must be in the office on those days, but I don't believe him. I believe he feels like he is meeting a need for her but I see it as major boundary crossing. I thought it was part of his mid life crisis because it all started when other things did too (buying a boat, looking for land, etc) we have fought about this to an ugly point and I keep thinking i need to wait it out til the flattery doesn't mean anything anymore. I have to beg my husband to spend 5 min looking in my eyes and just connecting on anything, but she can convince him to switch his schedule all around and spend the entire day sitting next to him at a desk with no one else in the office.


Noel's response

Your question is 'when does a man's midlife crisis end', but I think what you are really asking about is how to get him to quit spending time with this woman. From what you describe about the situation, it doesn't sound so much like a midlife crisis situation as some kind of hold she has on him (assuming it truly isn't what he says it is, namely that he has to work those days). I don't know what you might do about that, but no doubt in time her manipulation of him (if that is what it is) will lose its power over him.

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