When does mid life crisis start

by chianti
(sussex)

what age do men start going through mid life crisis?
do they always have an affair? and could they just change toward the wife.

Noel's response

As you may have read on my website, I believe there are two kinds of midlife transition:

- around age 35-45, when a person has what I call a 'right livelihood crisis', and wonders whether they are doing the right kind of work. This is also a time when they realize they are half way through their lives, and are not going to reach some goals they set when they were young.

- around age fifty, when they begin to ask deeper questions about who they are, and what their relationship is with God, or with whatever power they believe is greater than them. This is a time when they realize they are entering the last 1/3 of their lives, and the end is coming more quickly than they had imagined it would.

Men do not always have affairs when they are in these transitions. In fact I believe most don't have affairs. But they may change in the way they treat their wives, often becoming irritable, uncommunicative, and in general not very nice.

Their lives are changing in ways they don't understand, and being men, they are less likely to seek help than women are. Eventually they get through the change, and their lives become normal again, but they are usually changed in some fairly fundamental way, and often for the better.

Comments for When does mid life crisis start

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Aug 17, 2012
thank you for that army soldier
by: Anonymous

It has been quite some time since I last posted about this, but can tell you all that things are better. I was right about the high school "friend" I was repeatedly told not to worry about. He was heading that way and trying to rekindle a 30 year old relationship as he was only remembering the time they once had. We have had numerous fights since my last post and finally in may, he came clean. Broke my heart. I'm still unclear if it was physical but still think it was. I only found messages between them. I have entered back into therapy so as to regain my sanity over it. But since then, he has repeatedly apologized for hurting me and putting me thru it and now daily reminds me of how much he loves me and doesn't want to ever lose me and how he can't imagine his life with anyone else.. it's a real blessing let me just say. We do things together now again and he hasn't spoken to her since may. I still have insecurities as a result but I'm confident time will heal that.. he knows he screwed up and I'm thankful and grateful for my own strength that wouldn't allow him to keep on like that.. I did nothing but support his thoughts positively while he was thinking negatively and I truly believe that was key.. so in short, my man did man up in a rather short period, where as I've heard mlc might last years or never go away.. there is hope ladies.. stay strong and believe in yourselves and your man and your relationship.. and don't forget to speak your feelings to him even if you are afraid.. he'll never know what he's doing if you don't tell him..

Aug 17, 2012
He needs to man up!
by: Anonymous

I have read some of the comments, and yes as a man the change is unusual, and very frustrating to most, however its the lack of understanding one self, and not having the answers filling and thinking that you look stupid and regrets that things could be better its a state of mind they need to over come that state of mind.

I love my wife so much that I am willing to correct the issues at hand for I do understand that it is a state of mind, and on the other side if your husband is speaking to or seeing other women, you need to stop this stupidity before it gets out of hand due to the confusion, he will find a reason to go further, he needs to get his head out of the sand and soldier up, for this will pass and its not worth destroying what you both have worked so hard to accomplish.

Army Ranger

Mar 23, 2012
mid life crises
by: Maks

Its true i also dont understand my hubby of 15 yrs he is not the same person i knew. He has involved himself with people of questionable character. I am fed up feel like calling it quite.

Dec 16, 2011
can't shake it
by: Anonymous

i agree with the other two comments.. he's definitely changed and has become someone i don't know.. he's made me feel like i'm in the 7th grade and I'm jealous as HELL! i haven't been jealous in 25 years!! He recently reconnected with a school friend (girl) says he only talks to her MAYBE once a week, but that's a lie.. he talks to her via Text ALL the time... I'm trying super hard to let it go cuz he says i have nothing to worry about. but i can't shake the feeling that i've lost him and he has feelings for her.. we've been together 13 years and married for almost two. In general, he is NOT like this and is not the cheating type... but i can't help wondering if this MLC will make him think its ok and that i'll never find out. :/

((((sigh)))))

Nov 28, 2011
hes changed
by: Anonymous

Mine too. Like he's someone else.

Nov 28, 2011
HOPE SO
by: Anonymous

Seems like my situation with my husband sure hope you are right?

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