Where is he in his MLC
My husband 40 told me almost 2 years ago that he loved me but wasn't in live with me. Almost a year after that I discovered an affair and he moved out to his moms house to "figure things out". He was always back and forth coming over often and wanting to do things together but with no intentions of coming back. Kind of wanting the cake and eating it too!! About 5 months ago he told me That we should set a 3 month deadline to this situation where we live our life's and then decide at the end of a solution to our situation cause this can't go on forever. I agreed.
The three months came up on May 20. He said he needed more time. I said no way!! This was his idea and he needed to decide because life had to go on!! He asked for a other week and I said fine. A week layer he came back to talk. He told me he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back, but he would try to see what happens. He stayed over about 4-5 times a week and still went to his moms the other night. He wanted to slowly come into this. He didn't move in any clothes or belongings. He came and went with a duffel bag. Then about 4 weeks ago we went to south Carolina for our daughters softball tournament and when we retuned I washed
His clothes and hung it up in our closet. He didnt say anything. all was going well.
two days ago He told me again he wasn't sure what he wanted and he thought he was going Back to his moms house. I was like WHAT???
We had a heart to heart and he's going to wait a few days before he decides! He says he's Not sure he wants to follow rules
Of marriage. He also says that he tired of dealing with the stress of working things out. He doesn't know if he has what it takes. He says he wants to only have to worry about himself. But here's the catcher!!! He's not sure he wants a divorce but if that's what I want then he will understand!!
Where r we!???? Are we almost out??? Still in deep???? In trouble??? Is there still hope???
Thanks. Noel's response
I don't know where you are, whether almost out or still in deep. I suggest you need to set some boundaries around his coming and going. As you say, he wants his cake and eat it too, and so far it sounds as though he is mostly getting it.
You may be afraid that is you set some boundaries (e.g. no more sleeping over, etc.) it may drive him away, but in many cases being a 'pushover' (i.e. not having your own boundaries) can drive people away as well.
Have the two of you seen a marriage counsellor? If not, is he willing to go? If he is not willing, it may be worthwhile for you to see a counselor yourself to help you figure out what you want, and where you stand.