Why did he leave me, and marry the other woman?

by shirley
(england)

Hi noel,


My husband was on midlife crisis five years ago, but was seeing another woman he left and got a flat for 12 months, then moved in with her, we are now divorced, and this year they got married. Told my daughter the reason was financial. Why did he have to marry when he knew that would upset all the family? I still love him, and feel now i have lost that bit of life line i was holding onto. He till keeps my number on his phone,occasionally i text him, but can't help being this bitter person, because of what he has done now. He answers back. obviously she does not know he has been texting back to me now for the last 2 years and i have been texting to him since he left. Can't understand why he had to marry, when we was both upset with the divorce. He has never said he loves her, but is he trying to ease the pain. Or was it the other woman's manipulation, I know he would not of wanted this, but he has always been quite vulnerable.
I feel now i have lost him completely now. why do they give up a marriage of 32 years with a very loving family to remarry again?

Noel's response

I don't know the answers to your questions. He got married for reasons of his own, whether he wanted to was persuaded to.

Your task is to try to forgive him for leaving and move on with your own life. Being bitter only hurts you, not him or his new wife.

I also suggest you stop texting him, and answering his texts to you - unless they have to do with your daughter - as that will just keep you hanging on and being bitter.

He is gone. Carry on with your life.

Comments for Why did he leave me, and marry the other woman?

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Jan 05, 2012
Is it
by: Anonymous

Is it midlife left family for his cousins wife (there relationship lasted 6 wks). Started to smoke wanted to hang out with 16yr old son changed appearance totally changed from loving husband into a complete stranger this happened over 2 years ago .

I got strong left with 3 kids moved out family home went to solicitor to get money for children as never got anything for 6 months although trying to be civil however although he speaks to kids totally ignores me never calls never texts i gave up. Communication comes from kids although older i think he's failed us.
Understand i was married to this man for 17yrs i believe the woman made a play for him what hurts is she was meant to be my friend his 8 months of ripping me apart (strongly believe he was trying to get me to leave) In the end he returned home from working away and announced he was leaving didn't give support to his kids or me.
Is this midlife crisis ?.

Dec 20, 2011
Dear Why
by: Anonymous

I too was married 34 years and he left me for younger Asian woman overseas while I was here at home doing wifely duties and being mom and dad and grandma and grandpa. We are scorned women. We don't forget. We are bitter. Not because we can not move on and love someone else, but because we hate that he could do this ugly thing to us. Broke our vows and trust for a woman he hardly knew. Having a fling while we take care of his responsibilities back home. We want to get even. Get him to squirm like the worm he is. And I did. So go out. Enjoy your freedom. Have carefree sex. Life is short. He will think of you. But he's too late. He will realize that there is more to life than sex. I hope you meet someone soon so you can start your second half of your life. I am looking forward to thirty something years of marriage again. Six months now. I decided to get over my bitterness and not be miserable. Not lose any more time because if I didn't start living again, well anything could happen at my age to diminish quality of life and who would want a decrepit old woman. You and I must be about the same she ....mid 50's. Take care of yourself. Keep your looks up for yourself. And best wishes.
P.S. my ex is alone and I remarried. His Asian girlfriend is in Japan and his job no longer sends him there.

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