why do they act like they want to hurt you emotionally

by Julie Laws
(Hickory NC)

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years and we have been through a lot. Two of our four children did something stupid and he got fired because he chose family over his job.

Now everyone is doing OK but it is like he is waiting for them to mess up so he can throw them out and get even. Then he stopped having sex with me and he I ended up crying and he says his family has taken everything from him and now he doesn't care.

He plays golf and I have supported him in his decision and I feel so bad. I feel bad for him but for me too because it hurts. Someone hit the car right after he won his unemployment case and got four grand and he blamed that on me too.

I wish I could do something right but apparently I can't and it hurts and all I want is my husband back because I love him. He tells me he wants to travel some to play amateur tours and I told him to go ahead. I am trying and this anger hurts so bad please help me.

Noel's response

I am not sure that I can help. It sounds as though your husband 'put his family first' in his actions, but not in his heart. He is now blaming his family for choices HE made.

If he is willing to go for marriage counseling, it might help the two of you talk about the whole situation, and maybe help him let go of his anger at you and the kids.

Perhaps one of the other readers will have some helpful advice.