why do they act like they want to hurt you emotionally

by Julie Laws
(Hickory NC)

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years and we have been through a lot. Two of our four children did something stupid and he got fired because he chose family over his job.


Now everyone is doing OK but it is like he is waiting for them to mess up so he can throw them out and get even. Then he stopped having sex with me and he I ended up crying and he says his family has taken everything from him and now he doesn't care.

He plays golf and I have supported him in his decision and I feel so bad. I feel bad for him but for me too because it hurts. Someone hit the car right after he won his unemployment case and got four grand and he blamed that on me too.

I wish I could do something right but apparently I can't and it hurts and all I want is my husband back because I love him. He tells me he wants to travel some to play amateur tours and I told him to go ahead. I am trying and this anger hurts so bad please help me.

Noel's response

I am not sure that I can help. It sounds as though your husband 'put his family first' in his actions, but not in his heart. He is now blaming his family for choices HE made.

If he is willing to go for marriage counseling, it might help the two of you talk about the whole situation, and maybe help him let go of his anger at you and the kids.

Perhaps one of the other readers will have some helpful advice.

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Aug 09, 2011
TOUGH LOVE ISN'T JUST FOR KIDS!!
by: Anonymous

Noel is absolutely right your husband did that favor without his heart being in it.

I say favor because NO one has to do anything. The chips could have fallen where they may have....It's like doing someone a favor and constantly throwing it in their face! Don't feel bad for him or yourself. Get tough and get ACTIVE!

If you love him tell him straight out how you feel and suggest counseling for the whole family! If he refuses then YOU GO WITH THE KIDS. No more crying. Be positive and do something. Together.

He did something for the entire family not just the kids. He maybe feels it's only him 'doing' whatever it is..and no one else cares. So he maybe shoots off verbal abuse because he feels hurt for whatever reason and that's the only way to let you all know he's hurt. DEFINITE FAMILY COUNSELING IS DUE AT HAND. ASAP. And if he can go 'golfing' he can go back to work!!

...That four thousand he needs to put away in case of another lay-off and/or a vacation with you alone. He needs to get his reality back. What he's doing is not showing the kids any kind of strength as the man of the house. That's showing them to be spoiled, whiney,lazy, selfless but looking for a reward at the same time...and so many other traits that aren't good. I don't know your 'specifics' but if you're here writing then 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH'.

He may be the best dad but his double personality is very confusing to growing teens or even to a wife!! Where there's love there's a way. Tough love isn't just for kids ya know...Good luck - rooting for ya!

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