Why would my husband of 22 years continue to lie about his affair?

by abbey
(SoCal)

3 years ago, my 53 yr old husband started an affair with another woman. All the signs of MLC were there, bought a convertible jeep, a new BMW motorcycle, took up new hobbies (bike riding). Went to the gym often twice a day. Started increased grooming (especially in certain areas).


I've confronted him twice since then and he DENIES everything. IN fact, now I know he is helping her build her new house (but has never told me anything about it). He said that I never initiate sex....so I worked on that A LOT (and he seemed to enjoy it) over the last two years. But in the last 6 months or so, I noticed that HE never initiates sex anymore.

Can a husband who lies and cheats for 3 years ever come out of the affair? Can a person like this ever be trusted again? I am so distraught and feel like I am living with a total stranger sometimes. I don't feel like this is the first time he has ever cheated on me, but I do believe this is the longest.

Why does he stay with me if he continues to have contact with her? Both of our kids just left the house for college so it is just the two of us now.

I feel like he wants to sow some wild oats or something. I'm at a loss after 3 years of this.

Noel's response

For me the question is not why he stays with you, but why YOU stay with him. I recommend some counseling to help you figure out who you are and where your boundaries are.

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