Wife says she is gay?

by Ron
(USA)

My wife of 20 years says she is gay and may want a divorce? I have had a negative attitude the past 2 years with real estate and another job but I recently quit real estate. I understand that I was putting a lot of money into real estate and getting nothing in return. I have no stress now since quitting real estate and feel like a brick has been taken off my shoulder. I love my wife with all of my heart and I can't imagine living without her. I know my wife is stressed out at her work as well. We have 2 wonderful children (18f, 12m) that are taking this really hard. I am praying that after she finds herself that it will be next to me. It's been 3 weeks as of today. Please give me some help on what to do. Thank you.

Noel's response

I don't know what help to offer regarding your wife's decision. Sometimes both men and women at midlife discover they are unable any longer to deny feelings of being gay that they had tried to hide and deny their whole life.

My only suggestion is that you determine what you need in your life with or without her, and move forward as well as you can. Perhaps focus your prayers on best outcomes for both of you.

Comments for
Wife says she is gay?

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May 18, 2012
Wife says she is gay!
by: Anonymous

My wife of 7 years has lost all interest in sex and is trying s few things to get it back but it appears her story of her libido being the problem and being numb down there are just symptoms of something more sinister! I suggested that maybe she is bored and just can't stay with man more then a few years...and she once said she just falls out of love after 5 years as if she accepts a limited time before she becomes unhappy.

We have seen therapist and Psychiatrists about it but they don't know what i am hearing now. She said that she had relations with my 30 years old adult daughter from a previous marriage while she lived with us for a short time and my daughter is openly bi-sexual says she is not related so its not incest but isn't it cheating on me? When I confront her she says she might be gay and that’s why she doesn’t want any man.

My daughter has not been around us for almost a year and when i think back to when we all lived together for a month My daughter was trying to break us up but i thought it was because she needed a place to live and need me away from my to allow her to stay. Rehashing that theory in light of these new revelations i think my daughter wanted me to leave them alone! I love my daughter but she has a long history as a serial home wrecker who only wanted men who were already attached! I think I should get a divorce but i love my wife dearly and she loves me enough to get all kinds of help but a therapist and medicine is not making her straight!

Our demise will be a shock to so many who idolize us as we are performers who gel like the best making many cry to see our cohesion. I am cried out here and wondering how long i should wait to file and since she will be extremely guilty and embarrassed she is going to conjure up insane stories about me and is already starting. I have enough on her to make her infamous for the misdeeds i can prove across her network but no matter what she says i don't want to play mutual assured destruction tactics because she will likely turn on herself.

It may be that i either let her attempt to defame me with unsubstantiated claims or let her have it where it hurts in the public eye. I may set her up to meet with my daughter unknowing and get the subject out where the truth comes out and tape the whole thing!

Why would i do that to my daughter or wife i love? Betrayal makes a strong case of bad behavior in a divorce fault state i am in. Perhaps she walks with nothing once the cause of the marriage dissolution is clear to the judge. Otherwise it will be lie lie lies on her part and difficult to prove allegations on my part. I mean how can one prove anything without an admission in ones own voice!

Nov 23, 2011
been there
by: Anonymous

We were married 20 years and I had to catch her with the other woman before she would come out gay, but still wouldn't tell everyone she was gay. When I found out she moved in with her girlfriend and told everyone that's the only place she had to live and that she was afraid of me. Nobody ever believing she would be gay including myself. Her mom passed away a few years ago then when her dad passed away without blinking a eye said she finally I can do what I want to do, and trust me she did. Don't know in your case what triggered the go ahead to come out gay out of no where but she very well have been waiting for what she felt was the right time. You can try everything in the world to get her back and do everything in the world for her but remember this your not a lesbian so your wasting your time and energy. She wants to be gay give her what she wants but trust me she will never ever be happy. As hard as she may try to convince you she is you will know she is not and there's no hiding it. Concentrate on getting your life back, she has made her bed now she has to lye in it and the decisions she has made....

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