will he cheat?

by debbie
(manchester)

weve be married for 20 yrs he is now coming up to his 44th birthday, he's recently finished in the army a year ago,he says he loves being out and is loving his life but im concerned a few weeks ago a young women who is 13yrs younger found him on facebook, he was her cpl when she started,they have not spoke in 14yrs.they started to message each other on facebook some of which iv read, telling her how she was the talk of the town in the office between all the men, and how they all crushed on her.they then swapped numbers him saying get in touch if ever in my area would be good to catch up. i then noticed he has become very cagey with his phone, so i've looked, they are now texting each other, he calls her the women off his dreams an tells her she is beautiful all over, one message said you were, are and always will be a mans dreams? i feel so hurt. he calls her sweetheart, darling, sexy gorgeous lady you name it he is saying it. i've gone over history on the computer an he is up till all hours looking at her pictures, one message is asking for a picture to his phone so he can drool over it? like i said i'm so hurt, will he take this further or is he just having a crisis?


Noel's response

There is no way for me to know whether he will take it further. Sometimes men, especially during a midlife transition, will become infatuated with a woman, not necessarily a younger one. Some men have an affair, others simply go through the infatuation but don't act on it. It normally passes in time, when the man realizes the woman is not as 'magical' as she seems.

It is probably not helpful for you to be reading his texts, etc. That is the modern version of reading someone's diary. It just drives you crazy, and doesn't make the situation any better either for yourself or your relationship. Your fears may or may not be realized, and by reading is messages, you may begin to treat him differently, which may make the situation worse. It would be more productive if you could talk to him about what is happening in your relationship, (I assume it has changed recently? if not, there might not be much to talk about) rather than what appears to be doing with his texting this other woman.

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