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will he come back?

by anon

my husband told me last week that he has a feeling for some one else he said he still loves me but feels he has to do this, we have been married for 22 years and i had no clue that this was gonna happen, he sent me letters and texts before and while he was away telling me how much he loved me and would keep telling me everyday for the rest of our lives. i feel my life has been turned upside down as i love him very much as he keeps telling me.

will he come back to me and how can he know some one after just 4 weeks?? please help.

Noel's response

Your question is very similar to many other women who have written. My answer is the same... I don't know whether he will come back. Some do, some don't.

He is likely (but not for sure) in a midlife transition, and is looking outside himself for what can only be found inside.

Carry on with your life as best you can. Figure out what you want in a relationship from here forward, whether with him or someone else.

Comments for will he come back?

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Mar 29, 2012
hurt beyond comprehension
by: Anonymous

I was married for thirty six years and one day my husband announced he was unhappy with his life and was leaving. He said it wasn't me it was him. Since then, he has spewed lies and hatred towards me. We've had our differences as all married couples. We built a home together and had grandkids over all the time. Basically, we were a normal loving couple. He filed for divorce and won't go to counseling. He hasn't spoken with me or seen me since he filed four months ago. It's been devastating to the family and me. I was looking forward to retiring and having a future together. I hate that he may be seeing someone else. This just isn't the wonderful man I married and it's so painful to accept the fact that I'll probably never hear from him again. I really think he is having a midlife crisis and needs help. I'm afraid of suicide for him. We had a friend who did commit suicide and we never would have thought he would.

Mar 11, 2012
Letting Go
by: Anonymous

I have been married 21 years with two beautiful daughters. My husband also has told me he "loves me" but cannot "love me as I need to be loved"... He is 44 and has fallen for his 27 year old work colleague... He loves her and wants to make a life with her.... 6 months ago now.... I have let him go. For my own sanity. I have been on a roller coaster ride and still am for much of the time but I also know your best bet to moving forwards is to let go. You cannot stop loving them and you cannot stop the saddness or the hurt and rejection you feel... But you can go and find a life for yourself in this ... That's what we have to do. It's hard. Surround yourself with good friends and family that love you. I feel one day these men will look back and wonder what on earth they were thinking? Will they regret their decision? I'd like to think so - but they may not - and you have a life too. Perhaps your best revenge is to go and live a wonderful life ! ( hard to do in these early stages but it will come for us ) don't get stuck - keep moving. Good luck to us all. Survivors!

Feb 21, 2012
by: Anonymous

I am going through the same. I found out my husband of 25 years (together for 29) was and is still having an affair with a married mother of two. (we also have two children and one of our children goes to school with her child)I have filed for divorce since our state does not offer legal separation. He has been spending a lot of money. I had him removed from our home a few months ago since he also has a drinking problem. One of his problems was enough it was not a healthy living arrangement with him living in the home. Our child was very confused. He now has rented a apt which she goes to. She is still living in her home with her husband and kids. Since this happened I look at my husband and I do not see the man I married. He is like a total stranger. Our children feel the same they make comments like he frightens me. When ask what they mean they say "I do not know who he is" Will not look me in the eye. Says he will always have feelings for me he loved me before and he always will. But does not remember things, has very bizarre behaviors now, distances himself from the kids. See our one child due to court order which he insisted on. But now when he has our child he always has a reason to drop off early. Our child is bored at his apt. His dad just talks and text his "friend". Tells our child he will be with them in a minute, but that never comes. Is this typical of a mid life crisis? Very confused.

Feb 21, 2012
thank you ruth
by: Anonymous

i am sorry to hear you are in the same situation, it is so hard when you do love someone and they say that they love you too but have to do this, i do not understand how you can know someone after talking on the phone for a few weeks, he wont move out and wants to sell home now?? i am at a loss as what has happened he has turned into someone like an alien overnight from being a loving considerate person to being a nasty horrible uncaring does that happen, i have sought legal advice as i do not want to lose my home he says awful things but when i look at him it is not my husband at all. i do feel he is having some sort of crisis he even forgets what he has said and all he cares about is what he wants and what he needs, not about our son or me so i have to be prepared that i have lost him although i still love him i hate what he is doing, i hope all works out for you too
Ruth :-)

Feb 14, 2012
Same situation
by: Ruth

This year would be our 30th WA, my husband has done the same, he is 62 and the other woman is 48. He has tolld me to hang on be strong, and give him time, but I am falling apart, feel emotionally battered on a daily basis. It is not easy to be so matter of fact about what you should and should not do, when you love someone unconditionally, in spite of the pain they are causing. Am thinking of you, and hope things work out the way you want them too.

Feb 09, 2012
do you want him to?
by: afroxylanthe

I don't like answering a question with a question, but do you really want him to come back? after he does what "he feels he has to do" will you feel the same as before? do you really want him to come back and host him for some time before he "feels he has to do" something else?

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