46 Year old male depression?
(Lawrenceville, Ga, USA)
I am 46 years old and seem to be at a point in my life where I need to start over. I have succeeded many times in my life but not without failures and awful feelings being attached. I have always overcame and adapted in the past but it has been 4 years at least that I have struggled with my current situation but instead I should be enjoying these times because I have what I was always working so hard for, my wife and 2 children.
I succeeded in the past but the bad economy took all of our money. We now live with family and rely on family help. My wife has had a female surgery a year ago and just found and had a tumor removed from her brain and brain stem with a 4 month recovery time.
My life I have always been tough on my body and am now paying for it. I crushed my pelvis, busted bladder etc................in 1983 and recovered then joined the Army in 1985 but sustained knee injuries as well as had to hide my pain in the hips and pelvis. After my honorable discharge I returned to the cabinet industry and started lifting cabinets to the point of hundreds per day. I worked my way up through the entire nasty industry in Atlanta to the point of sales being salesman of the year many time with $3M per year in cabinetry.
I opened my own business and things went great until all of a sudden folks could not pay me. Long, long story we lost every court battle and no liens helped to the point of loosing our home, nice vehicles and easy way of life and $620K of the family's money not to mention that most of my employees were family so when it went down so did a lot of folks around me. In that time I quit playing ball, no basketball, no soccer, no softball, no motocross etc.........
I am now not only suffering from depression but have a torn rotator cuff, 2 torm menisuc, 3 damaged lumbar, chronic pelvis and hip pain from the 1983 incident all because I think I quit being active. The above is a very short summary.
Now I cant get hired because of my resume I guess??? I have toned it down but still can not find a job other than odd jobs through a company I still have opened. I do not draw any government help or VA help. I have a 8 year old boy and 6 year old girl and 42 year old wife. The marriage is stale but intact, I think. My kids wonder why I sleep too much and am always hurting. My wife still has 2 more months of recovery at least. I am due to have my gallbladder removed in one week of which I am hoping like crazy that it may have something to do with my total lack of energy.
I have learned a lot. I did not need all of what we had. However, I need to be able to provide and be confident and satisfied. I am on 20MG Celexa and all I can tell is it keeps my temper gone. If I do not take it I get very irritated but never toward anyone such as my wife or kids. I never have but I have thrown a hundred cell phones and stupid stuff like
that due to my temper. I also take Xanax as needed normally only at night to help me go to sleep. Recently my psychiatrist (who is only a pill giver and nothing more ) gave me Ritalin to help with energy but my body had gotten tolerant to its purpose and I refuse to snort it or do anything like that. I am also on Hydrocodone for chronic pain from a legitimate pain facility but again only pill givers. Same at Ritalin, the effects of the Hydrocodone do not help anymore.
For I while, knowing it was wrong, I let the Hydrocodone work as an antidepressant but that did not last long. I just got over a bout with over a dozen ulcers by taking Omeprazole. I have no appetite and hardly eat but do not loose weight. I FEEL SO GUILTY because my family needs the energetic and no quitting person I use to be. I have no intentions of suicide as it is totally against my beliefs and faith. I just want to get some improvement to build on so I can attain my life's goals and pass on to my kids.
Again, this is very brief but does anyone out there feel the same but is overwhelmed with fatigue that you can not even make yourself do what you know is right. I have had physicals and am depressed. My wife does not help me much with my issues but she also has not left. She is very angry at God right now and exhausted as well but I can not help her or give her any advise for another couple of months when she recovers from the brain surgery.
The kids are now starting to notice but I hope to be able to keep them healthy both physically and mentally by making changes and talking in ways they can kind of understand about the economy and health issues.
I guess I am in a huge man against himself conflict and all I want to do is sleep. Physically that is, not mentally. My body wants to sleep but my brain is saying that is the worst thing you can do, do something but I am so tired and worried it may be a physical issue now.
Thats it.Noel's response
It sounds as though you are in a mighty tough situation!
I can only suggest a few things:
- see your doctor, or maybe even a different doctor, about whether all the medications you are taking are working against each other. Many people, especially seniors, have more and more medications, most of which are prescribed to deal with the side effects of medications they are already taking. It is called the 'prescription cascade'.
- force yourself to do some exercise - join a class (I go to a circuit training class three times a week. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed to go to it, but I am always glad I did), or take up one of the teams sports you mentioned. Research shows that regular exercise is just as effective as medications for helping deal with depression.
- find a job. Anything you can get. A man of your experience can quickly move up the ladder. As you know, it is very hard to hired ambitious, skilled people.
Hang in there, knowing this too shall pass. Everything turns out OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end.