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46 Year old male depression?

by Steve
(Lawrenceville, Ga, USA)


I am 46 years old and seem to be at a point in my life where I need to start over. I have succeeded many times in my life but not without failures and awful feelings being attached. I have always overcame and adapted in the past but it has been 4 years at least that I have struggled with my current situation but instead I should be enjoying these times because I have what I was always working so hard for, my wife and 2 children.

I succeeded in the past but the bad economy took all of our money. We now live with family and rely on family help. My wife has had a female surgery a year ago and just found and had a tumor removed from her brain and brain stem with a 4 month recovery time.

My life I have always been tough on my body and am now paying for it. I crushed my pelvis, busted bladder 1983 and recovered then joined the Army in 1985 but sustained knee injuries as well as had to hide my pain in the hips and pelvis. After my honorable discharge I returned to the cabinet industry and started lifting cabinets to the point of hundreds per day. I worked my way up through the entire nasty industry in Atlanta to the point of sales being salesman of the year many time with $3M per year in cabinetry.

I opened my own business and things went great until all of a sudden folks could not pay me. Long, long story we lost every court battle and no liens helped to the point of loosing our home, nice vehicles and easy way of life and $620K of the family's money not to mention that most of my employees were family so when it went down so did a lot of folks around me. In that time I quit playing ball, no basketball, no soccer, no softball, no motocross etc.........

I am now not only suffering from depression but have a torn rotator cuff, 2 torm menisuc, 3 damaged lumbar, chronic pelvis and hip pain from the 1983 incident all because I think I quit being active. The above is a very short summary.

Now I cant get hired because of my resume I guess??? I have toned it down but still can not find a job other than odd jobs through a company I still have opened. I do not draw any government help or VA help. I have a 8 year old boy and 6 year old girl and 42 year old wife. The marriage is stale but intact, I think. My kids wonder why I sleep too much and am always hurting. My wife still has 2 more months of recovery at least. I am due to have my gallbladder removed in one week of which I am hoping like crazy that it may have something to do with my total lack of energy.

I have learned a lot. I did not need all of what we had. However, I need to be able to provide and be confident and satisfied. I am on 20MG Celexa and all I can tell is it keeps my temper gone. If I do not take it I get very irritated but never toward anyone such as my wife or kids. I never have but I have thrown a hundred cell phones and stupid stuff like that due to my temper. I also take Xanax as needed normally only at night to help me go to sleep. Recently my psychiatrist (who is only a pill giver and nothing more ) gave me Ritalin to help with energy but my body had gotten tolerant to its purpose and I refuse to snort it or do anything like that. I am also on Hydrocodone for chronic pain from a legitimate pain facility but again only pill givers. Same at Ritalin, the effects of the Hydrocodone do not help anymore.

For I while, knowing it was wrong, I let the Hydrocodone work as an antidepressant but that did not last long. I just got over a bout with over a dozen ulcers by taking Omeprazole. I have no appetite and hardly eat but do not loose weight. I FEEL SO GUILTY because my family needs the energetic and no quitting person I use to be. I have no intentions of suicide as it is totally against my beliefs and faith. I just want to get some improvement to build on so I can attain my life's goals and pass on to my kids.

Again, this is very brief but does anyone out there feel the same but is overwhelmed with fatigue that you can not even make yourself do what you know is right. I have had physicals and am depressed. My wife does not help me much with my issues but she also has not left. She is very angry at God right now and exhausted as well but I can not help her or give her any advise for another couple of months when she recovers from the brain surgery.

The kids are now starting to notice but I hope to be able to keep them healthy both physically and mentally by making changes and talking in ways they can kind of understand about the economy and health issues.

I guess I am in a huge man against himself conflict and all I want to do is sleep. Physically that is, not mentally. My body wants to sleep but my brain is saying that is the worst thing you can do, do something but I am so tired and worried it may be a physical issue now.
Thats it.

Noel's response

It sounds as though you are in a mighty tough situation!

I can only suggest a few things:

- see your doctor, or maybe even a different doctor, about whether all the medications you are taking are working against each other. Many people, especially seniors, have more and more medications, most of which are prescribed to deal with the side effects of medications they are already taking. It is called the 'prescription cascade'.

- force yourself to do some exercise - join a class (I go to a circuit training class three times a week. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed to go to it, but I am always glad I did), or take up one of the teams sports you mentioned. Research shows that regular exercise is just as effective as medications for helping deal with depression.

- find a job. Anything you can get. A man of your experience can quickly move up the ladder. As you know, it is very hard to hired ambitious, skilled people.

Hang in there, knowing this too shall pass. Everything turns out OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end.

Comments for 46 Year old male depression?

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Nov 06, 2017
Just about had it!!!
by: Anonymous

46 y/o disabled man, hard work all my life caught me. Feeling kind of worthless, not to me, other people!! Going in for 4th spinal surgery in the last 3 years. Asides from losing a lung ( occupational) the only time " friends" call is when hunting seasons on ( hook a brother up right ). Tired of that false friendship, ain’t worth having. Enter women: they find out you’ve got physical limitations, yeah they’re glad to go to dinner but they still assume you’re looking for a nurse!!! Hell no I don’t even want a wife!!! Guess where I’m going is I can’t get my mind wrapped around the disability thing , and I’m very independent, love to work!!! It’s the fact here I am , alone , broke, struggling to find a reason to get up. And deal with folks that look down their snout at you like you’re bleeding the system. They know not my level of pain, physically or emotionally. Screw ‘me and feed ‘me beans. Point is I’m tired , think I’ll excel at reclusiveness?

Nov 06, 2017
Feeling worthless!!!
by: Anonymous

Working hard all my life finally caught up with me at 46. 4th spinal surgery in three years, lung disease ( occupational related) qualified for disability ( I hate that word ). I try to be as active as I can and put on my good face. Only "friends " come around when there’s something in it for them ( hunting season ). Had enough of them, they’re off me like a dirty shirt. Rather be alone than put up with fake friends. Tired of the looks and social stigma related to someone like myself. Enter women: I’m single, don’t look sick, clean and dress nice too.. They find out your ailing they’ve got a foot out the door just after dinner. You’re too much of a problem for their companionship or company. Nobody can judge your individual level of pain that you chew on like a piece of steel every day. Further they fail to see or understand your drive and willingness to WORK and be an active supporting member of society . I don’t know if it makes sense or not but , I’m tired , think I’ll make a great hermit?

May 18, 2013
46 also
by: Anonymous

been divorced 2years still cant get over the let down feeling harder i try the lonlier i get job i hate only plus took up bodybuilding because cant sleep making great improvments with body but no one sees me train alone live alone work alone hate it hate my apartment had own house for 15 years pets not allowed to broke to move no sex in years no one to confide in married 16yrs so lonely all i have is my body mind wanders on zoloft 2years no help quit meds year ago little less anyxiety and able to stay on healthy diet still no joy maybe ten minutes at the gym all pumped but that doesnt last long what to do contact people noone calls back drives me crazy thanks

Aug 27, 2012
Read This
by: Anonymous

Steve, Sounds Cliche, but beileve me, I was so struck by your ad tha I had to post. In all my years on the internet I have never posted anything, Anything at all!!! But hear this, Your story is almost mine to the T, with few minor details changed.
Let me say, how you feel. there are soo many details to your peronel and family demise that you can hardly post them as it becomes a mental blurr.
Heres mine, Started working like an animal as soon as i could work. Started in the trades, became a boss, started my own business, very sucessful for 13 years then it hit. IRS troubles, bad econmy, malpractice from an acct, theft from employees and family. Fought it for years but eventually ruined me, lost the nice cars. boat on the lake, brand new beatiful home that I had cusom built for my wife and 3 children. I fought, things like this dont happen to honest hard working men. the good guy always comes out on top, good triumphs over evil in the end. WRONG WRONG WRONG.I lost it all, along with my sanity and ambtion. It took several years to take me down, but it happened
Then comes the torn rotator cuff that leads to pain meds, back issues from years of hard work, so goes the story line, took a few years but i went to a low, and an extreme.expensive habit, as I tried to get on my feet. Moving the kids around, struggling to survive. This was not my life, I dont fail, take pills or any of this crap. Wrong Again! were all human. This spiral lasted for several years. after several failed attempts to get my life on track. i went to a dr. to get help. came clean with the wife. This was hard, after 2o years of marriage and I dropped a bomb on her. I am now on almost 2 years of no meds another story in itself) i would love to say there is a fairy tail ending but not! I did just start a new 6 figure job that I like, still struggling to reestablish myself, but making progress.
in short let me say,get up tomorrow, try your best to put it behind you, and start over. No one can take your knowledge from you, now put it to work to get back on your feet. You cant change the past (I sill struggle wih this) but you have to move forward. My wife stayed with me through all this, lets you know she really loves you, now I tell myself everyday that i will make tomorrow better and that I can do this for them (family) Good Luck and keep your head up.

Feb 03, 2012
Help me
by: Anonymous

Hi my name is anthony and i am 46 divorced and broken jobless and evrything u said. somebody please help me!

Jan 31, 2012
by: Anonymous

Help For Depression Treatment
I like this site.

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