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47- year-old Man Just Divorced

The Question

I am a 47 year old man just divorced and I don't know what to do to start over.

Noel's response

My first piece of advice is not to get married again for at least three years, as in my experience and observation that is how long it takes to get over the loss of a significant relationship.

It is fine to date, but avoid a long-term commitment as you are in a vulnerable emotional state, and may attract a 'rescuer', who will feel great now, but may not be a good match in the long run. Some psychologists suggest that a 'throw away relationship' is not a bad thing to help a person (man or woman) get through the turmoil of a loss such as a divorce.

Get some counselling/psychotherapy to help you deal with this loss, and become more fully who you truly are.

You do need a social life, so join groups (sports, spiritual, music, whatever) that will put you in social contact on a regular basis.

Become the kind of person you want to be with, so you can attract that kind of woman.
There is an old Sufi story about the Mulla Nasrudin who is in a restaurant when a friend comes in and excitedly tells him he is going to get married.
Nasrudin congratulates him, and the friend asks Nasrudin if he ever thought about marriage.
Nasrudin says yes, when he was younger, he did. He went from city to city, and finally found a woman who was perfect in every way.
"Well" says the friend, "what happened?"
"Unfortunately" says Nasrudin, "She was looking for the perfect man."

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