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Rules for Him, Rules for Her
April 15, 2007

Midlife Wisdom For Men Issue #080, April 15, 2007

=========== TABLE OF CONTENTS ==========

· New Warrior Adventure Training in Alberta - Deadline



Written by Noel McNaughton (c) copyright 2007


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Welcome to this issue of Midlife Wisdom for Men.

We do not have initiation rites in our society, and I believe we suffer for it. I was in my forties before I clarified a sense of mission, and really felt like I was a man. In traditional hunter-gatherer societies, pubescent boys are taken outside the village and put through the ritual of initiation. When they come back to the village, they have become men, and understand their role as men in the community.

The New Warrior Training Adventure is designed to be an initiation rite for men in our society, no matter what their age. The New Warrior Training is one of the programs of The ManKind Project, whose mission is "To Change The World One Man At A Time". More than 35,000 men have taken the training so far, and there is one coming up near Edmonton, Alberta in a couple of weeks.

Does it seem to you that you and your wife talk a different language? That even though you try to listen and help her with her problems, she says you 'never listen', and 'don't care'? You will probably find the "Rules for Him, Rules for Her" article useful.

There are about 1200 words in the articles in this newsletter, which should take you about four minutes to read.




New Warrior Adventure Training in Alberta - Deadline

I have mentioned the New Warrior Adventure Training before. In fact I have a little promotion for it in every newsletter. I went through the training in 1999, and I recommend it to any man who wants to get, and give, more out of his life.

The New Warrior Training is one of the programs of the ManKind Project:

  • An International non-profit organization Dedicated to bringing the New Warrior Training Adventure to men worldwide
  • Organized into 23 Training Centres and growing
  • Men living their lives according to a mission of service in the world
  • This is not therapy…… this is authentic men supporting authentic men

I am a member of a group of middle-aged New Warriors that meets every other Tuesday night. It is a place to be with a group of authentic men, speaking the truth about our lives. We have fun, but we also help each other deal with whatever issues arise in the course of our lives, and that is very useful.

If you want to clarify your sense of mission, probably improve your marriage and other relationships, get more of a sense of who you are as a man, and become a part of an growing international group of authentic men (not aligned with any religion, belief system or politics), this training may well be for you.

You can find a list of trainings at

If you live in western Canada and want to take the training, the next one is in about two weeks - May 4-6 - at a camp near Edmonton, Alberta. Learn more, and register here: ManKind Project, Canada West. If you plan to register, do it now.

I will be a "Man of Service" at the training here in May. Maybe I will see you there?


Want to see some examples of everyday folks who built websites that helped them quit their day jobs? Case Studies



Navigating Gender Differences in the Brain

This is an article from Dr. Daniel Amen's newsletter: Dr. Daniel Amen Newsletter subscription page. He studies the human brain, and I found this article very interesting. It includes some rules for men and women. I have included the rules for women because some subscribers to this newsletter are women, and because you might want to show it to your wife/partner:

RULES FOR HIM, RULES FOR HER The genetic differences between the sexes are hundreds of times more significant than the differences between the races. You can't look an fMRI of someone and say, "That's an African-American brain, or a Caucasian brain." But you can differentiate between a male and female brain. -Steven B. Johnson

When Nicole threatened to leave Christopher she said that their communication was like "a square peg in a round hole." They came to see me on the advice of a friend. Christopher was completely confused during their first session. He had no idea what she meant.

Nicole said that she was tired of him not listening to her, always wanting to fix her, and not being present for her when she needed him. Bewildered, Chris argued that he loved her, spent hours listening to her, and just wanted to be helpful to her.

I watched in pain, as this couple played out a common gender war. I had once been victim of the same drama myself. When the love relationship I discussed in the last chapter ended the woman used the same phrase as Nicole, "square peg in a round hole." Hearing it again, I felt a sharp pain sting my heart.

Male-female communication styles are radically different, brain-based, and hard-wired. Many people think these differences are culturally defined, yet they appear very stable across almost all cultures studied and have their roots in the brain. Men and women evolved different brains over millions of years, because of necessity.

Men chased down food for their families and provided protection. Women cared for the young and old, and provided a nurturing environment.

Because of these different roles, the sexes evolved to process information differently, think in radically different ways, expect different things, and have different perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors.

In the last 40 years, as the gender roles in our society have been blurred, both males and females have become more and more confused as to what is normal behavior. We expect our partners to be able to read our minds and think as we think. Unfortunately, we are just not wired that way.

Knowing about the differences between men and women will help you be more effective in interacting with the opposite sex and help you navigate relationships without feeling hurt or rejected. Here is a look at how male and female brains develop, the differences between the left and right hemispheres (which gives us clues to male-female differences) the differences in language and intuition, and the answers to commonly asked questions.

Here also are eight rules each, for males and females, for effectively dealing with each other's brains.

Rules for Men on Women

  1. Recognize women are very different from you. Ask her what she needs to be happy and listen. Remember they leave the relationship 75% of the time.
  2. Women typically need listening, not solutions. (she is already competent)
  3. Never ask a woman to get to the point.
  4. She needs time, talking, and nonsexual touch for foreplay. (Her skin is ten times more sensitive. Find out how she likes to be touched. Her reality may be different than yours.)
  5. Just because she catches you ogling another woman does not mean she is not ogling another guy.
  6. On a long trip do the night driving; usually your night vision is better than hers.
  7. She thinks it is sexy if you ask for directions. You win her heart by being willing to ask for help.
  8. She has a keener sense of smell. Find out the smells she likes. Does she like it if you take a shower before bed, or does she like it if you don't? Find out.

Rules for Women on Men

  1. Recognize men are very different from you. Ask him what he needs to be happy.
  2. He can only do one thing at a time. When you want to talk to him wait until the game is over and ask for a specific time to talk.
  3. Never try to get a man to admit to losing a fight.
  4. If you want him to really listen try to use fewer words.
  5. He is programmed to compete and win. Make him think he wins a lot.
  6. Just because you catch your guy ogling another woman, does not mean you do not do it as well. It does not mean he finds you less attractive.
  7. On a long trip do the day driving. Let him drive at night. His night vision is usually better. And while you are sleeping it won't bother you as much when he is lost!
  8. Many of his senses are not as keen as yours; tell him if odors or tastes bother you.


Actual Instruction Labels:

  • ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
  • ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: Not to be used for the other use.

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The Mankind Project The ManKind Project® offers trainings which support men in developing lives of integrity, accountability, and connection to feeling. Our trainings challenge men to develop their abilities as leaders, fathers, and elders as ways of offering their deepest gifts in service to the world.

The ManKind Project's New Warrior Training Adventure® is an intense, transformative men's initiation which invites men to forge a deep conscious connection between head and heart. The NWTA offers men a powerful, challenging opportunity to look at all aspects of their lives in a richly supportive environment.


Got your copy of Picking Up The Burning Feather yet? It will help you on your spiritual journey.

Just go to Picking Up The Burning Feather: A Spiritual Guide For Midlife Men DIY Retirement E-Report , and follow the instructions.



I Need Your Questions and Feedback!

Got comments? Questions? I'd love to hear from you.

Just email your suggestions and/or questions to . I look forward to hearing from you. And thanks.


Well friend, that's it for now. Again, if you enjoyed this and/or found it useful, and know of anyone else who might like it, please pass it forward. And if you have questions or recommendations, I would love to hear from you.

All the best, Noel

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