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After 28 years together my husband left.

by K
(Ontario, Canada)

We never had a normal relationship. We were both from dysfunctional homes(alcoholism/abuse etc.),and his mom was especially abusive to him. His mom and sister never liked me. They tried to break us up from the start. I was 19 and he 20 when we met. I know we deeply loved one another, but had many problems with jealousy/insecurity etc.We clung to each other and didn't give each other much space( not giving him the space he needed/wanted). I got pregnant the following year and we were ok with it, i found out at 6 weeks and he was we will have the baby if that is what you want, whatever i want he would go with. So he didn't tell his family, other than his sister and she kept quiet and urged him to tell his parents, as did I, but he was too afraid.

His sister gave him an ultimatum to tell them or she would, I was 23 weeks pregnant. She tells them and it all blows up, now his family tell him to break up with me and have me get an abortion. He told me that if I didn't have one he would break up, so I did it within a week, we had to go to NY as it wasn't allowed where we lived. His sister escorted us to make sure it was done and then she flew home. When we returned they had either thrown his belongings away and left some out on the lawn. He moved in with me and my parents. Within 2 months we had our own place and didn't communicate much with his family for a long time. Oh and he was angry and always called his mom and his sister sluts from the time i met him. A few years go by and we got married in 1988. We had our first child the next year and our second the following year. I then left him when the kids were 2 and 1 as he was drinking so much(he is an alcoholic). After almost a year of staying at my parents he called begging me to return, so I did. He said he would kill himself and threatened me and kids if I left again. So all these years I have been angry and resentful but still loved him and worried about him and his health. I stopped working to stay home with my kids and have been out of work for 16/17 years. He is angry that I haven't been back to work. I also suffered 2 heart attacks 2 years ago. His father passed away 8 years ago and he took it hard. His mother just died (2.5 months ago) tragically in a fire and now he acts like he hates me and has grown close to his sister. He left here last week and moved in with his sister and her husband. He rarely talks to me, and hardly ever talks to his kids, he has always been emotionally distant.

Now I am going insane, having chest pains,panic attacks and am so scared that he is never coming back. I don't know why i am so upset and can't stop crying or thinking about the past. How do I accept this and move on, I feel like I can't move on. I forgot to mention that he left me 7 years ago, 1 year after his father died and moved in with a woman from the bar. He was there for a month and he said nothing happened. I feel so betrayed and need advice.

Noel's response

My only suggestion, if you haven't already done so, is to join your local alanon group, or find an 'adult children of alcoholics group if their is one in your area.

Comments for After 28 years together my husband left.

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Nov 02, 2011
Thank You.
by: K

Thanks Noel for your advice. I will look into joining one of those groups ASAP. Also am going to look into updating my education or job skills after being out of work force for many years.

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