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after all that... now what?

by erik
(laguna beach, CA usa)

 me, a few days ago.

me, a few days ago.

OK, I'll make it as short as possible...

I used to have confidence, lot's of friends, cute girlfriends, plenty of sex, and a secure job working for my Father since age 16.
When I was 36, (a year after my 5 year relationship with my girlfriend Kristy who was 10 years younger than me ended)
I met Melissa. She was 23. We were a great couple! But she was hot, and young, and admitted to cheating on me one time, after we were together for only a year. It hurt, but we ''loved'' each other. So I forgave her, and we lasted 3 and 1/2 more years.
On my 40th birthday, she threw me a surprise party and invited all my friends!
(I still had dozens of friends at that time)
It was great! But I could tell something was wrong with her. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, ''I'm sorry Erik, I'm just not happy anymore''.
She left me the next morning. I tried to get over her, but when I attempted to meet new ladies, I had completely lost my ''mojo''. Midlife Crisis hit me with a flurry of combo punches, and I lost my confidence with everything in life!
To make matters worse, due to the ''great recession'' I lost my job of 25 years.
I was REALLY down! And my broken heart was unbearable! I went to my ex gf's house and begged her on my hands and knees, to take me back... She said no.
As I drove from her house, I decided I was going to kill myself. But then I remembered that I still had a life savings, an IRA, and some good stocks.
So I decided to make my lifelong dream of recording the songs I had written come true! I went straight to guitar center and bought professional recording equipment!
But after writing over 200 songs, and releasing 3 records... I went broke. Due to the changing music industry, and my ''in'' in the music business not panning out, I finally gave up.
I tried to go back to my backup job of 15 years as a pro bass fishing guide, but that business was not happening anymore either.
Now I'm almost 46, living with my Mother, and working any lousy job I can get.
I have no friends, no future, no self confidence, and I have been alone for over 5 years!

I hate being old. I hate not having love and affection. And I hate the fact that apparently my days of having sex are over too!

And, after all that.... Now I'm nothing but an over the hill loser, with no friends, no kids, never married, and alone! Now what?

Noel's response

First of all, get up off your pity pot. Your life is only over, and you are only a loser, if you decide to be.

Unquestionably you are in a difficult space, but as with all things in life, this too shall pass. Keep on keeping on, and things will change. In the imagery of folk tales, you are on a 'night sea journey'. I have been on such a journey, as have millions of other people.

Here is an affirmation you might try saying every day at least once (you don't have to believe it in order for it to work): "I am now experiencing abundant prosperity, perfect health, and complete and utter happiness. This is true because the world is full of charming people who now lovingly help me in every way."

When I first began to use this affirmation many years ago, I didn't even believe in affirmations, and they were too 'new age'. However, over a period of about six months I began to notice a subtle change in my subconscious, and my life began to look better.

The other thing I suggest is that you begin some spiritual practices - daily prayer or meditation, read uplifting books, etc.

You are in a major transition, but your life (even your sex life) is not over. As you change, the world seems to change as well.

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