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Any help please? I am really suffering.

by Adam

I am 37 years of age. I have a great wife and 2 amazing kids (4 and 7).

Three years ago a family friend who was the same age and same family situation as myself died of cancer and a few months after that another friend of the family died of leukaemia as well.

this bought on health anxiety. Any ache or pain would be cancer or a heart attack and I thought at the time this is the worse thing that had ever happened to me as I used to be quite a bubbly kind of guy. My wife supported me and really helped me.

In-between this we decided to re-locate to the countryside in Kent from London and my wife and kids moved in with my Mum and I stayed in London at the in-laws and saw them at the weekend. We only thought this would be for a few months until we bought a place but it ended up being just over a year. Every night I was on the phone to my wife telling her how much I loved her and I really missed her.

For about a year now I have been having a midlife crisis and the I can't explain the urge that I have to leave my wife and kids. Its destroying me and I cant think about anything else as I don't wont to leave them. I feel that I don't love my wife anymore even though there is no reason why.

I don't feel close to my kids and frankly they annoy me. Depression is really setting in now and I swing from "yes I do love my family and I want to be with them forever" to "Maybe I should go" I have read so many forums about this and know that apparently it will pass but this is the worse thing I have ever encountered and I have almost been suicidal to make my suffering end.

One minute my wife is everything to me and the next I can barely look at her. PLEASE any words of wisdom will help.

Noel's response

It sounds as though you are hurting pretty bad!
What you have read in the forums is correct, this too shall pass. However, that doesn't make it easier right now.

My advice is for you to see your doctor immediately and get on an anti-depressant, which will help you get through this tough time.

And hang in there with your family. You will be very glad you did when this is over.

Comments for Any help please? I am really suffering.

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Jul 13, 2011
How long does this last?
by: Anonymous

Can anyone tell me how long this lasts. And is is thirty seven too young for this to happen? My life has literally been turned upside down very suddenly with no warning or reason. Am I alone in feeling like this? and why do men go through this?

Noel's response

Thirty seven is not too young.In his book The Seasons of a Man's Life, Daniel Levinson says we go through transitions on average every ten years, and if we do not do one transition well, the next one may be very difficult. Perhaps that describes your situation.

Also, for centuries the average life span was about seventy, and midlife was thirty five.

You are definitely not alone in feeling as you do. As to why men go through this... I don't know. It just seems to be part of life.

Hang in there, don't make any rash decisions, and remember... this too shall pass.

Jul 12, 2011
I can relate to your feelings
by: David

I'm 48 now and have been having crazy emotional feelings for about 3 years now. I'm been faithful in my marriage for 18 years, but lately I've been looking at women and men! I feel like I'm going crazy. I bought a convertable and I've even grown a beard. So far I have not strayed. I feel good about being faithful. The one thing that has helped me cope is turning to a higher power and setting some boundaries. I've been drinking more too. So when I drink, it's harder to keep within my own set boundaries, but so far, so good.

These feelings you're having will pass, but it's a challenge. Hang in there. You're not alone. Consider reaching out to a friend.

Apr 20, 2011
by: Adam Elliott

Hi Noel. Just a not to say thank you for the response. When I read it it made me emotional and your words of wisdom were a massive help. I am having up and down days but thanks to you and your site I think I will make it through. thanks again. Adam.

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