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Can the depression, withdrawal and anger stages happen all at the same time?

My husband, 37, and I have been together 16 years and married 10. Since we have been together,we have always been very sexual. Intimacy occurred at least 5 times a week. So, of coarse I thought we were great compared to some of our friends. We have 2 boys, ages 17 and 15. I started noticing some issues 6 months ago, such as him constantly complaining about his stomach, which mind you, he is 5'10" and 150lbs. He is a very fit man and I constantly tell him how beautiful he is. Then when I was packing our house for the move I was trying to show him the boys baby pictures and he refused to look at them, because he would get upset that they're almost gone. Anyways.. the bomb dropped 3 months ago: we just moved, he left his job to start his own business, his band of 10 years broke up and he completely stopped talking to his best friend, because of the band issues. This all occurred in a one month period. I seriously went from my husband sneaking into the shower with me to the next day telling me that he has been unhappy for years and that he was faking it for our family. At first, I was beside myself.. thinking what the heck happened and where is my husband. He is still home, but in the last 3 months has taken all love away from me. He doesn't say it,yet still shows care and will not sleep in the bed with me. I think he's scared, mad and confused all at once. He seems to be going through all of the first 4 stages (denial, anger, depression and withdrawal) at once. Is this normal? I have always let him have his independence and supported him in all decisions in life. I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick, but I love him with all my heart and will support his transition. I actually feel like I'm learning more about myself through his quest. I just don't want to feel like I'm doing this for nothing.

Comments for Can the depression, withdrawal and anger stages happen all at the same time?

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Oct 14, 2016

by: Noel

I do not know whether going through several stages of grief (denial, anger, depression and withdrawal) at once is normal, but I don't think it is uncommon.

In a midlife transition a person often grieves the loss of their 'young self', and feels their life is all but over. Often they feel as though they made the wrong career choice way back when they were teenagers or young adult, and it is now time to do what they are 'here to do' (life mission work) if they can figure out what that is. This is a struggle for both the man and his spouse.

You mention you are learning more about yourself through his quest, which is in my judgement they best thing you can do.

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