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Closeted 40 year old gay guy

by Willard

I'm a 40 year old professional working Muslim man. As long as I remembered I've always had attraction to other men. I am an introvert and not able to express myself well. This makes it difficult in social situations and at work where one needs to be heard in order to get noticed for promotion.

Being closet gay, i tried to go for random dates w guys i met on the web. Due to my in-articulation, it seems that most guys could not sustain interest and seldom go beyond 3 dates. I am going nowhere with relationships nor career wise. Am at a loss how to proceed with life.

Went to 3 psychologists but find I can't connect as the theories they postulate does not describe the problem I'm facing at all.

At times, I felt like I'm drifting in life and nothing good seems to come out of my advancing years. Appreciate advise of any kind as I'm tired of it all.

Noel's response

I am surprised that you did not find any of the three psychologists helpful, although I recommend people 'shop around', trying different psychologist until they find one they connect with.

I don't know whether there are any 'self esteem' workshops where you live, but my feeling is you would benefit most from increasing your self confidence. As for feeling as though you are drifting in life, that is a common experience for men in a midlife transition.

You might find it useful to do some of the exercises on the Your Life Mission page on this site.

I would also suggest the New Warrior Training Adventure, but seeing you live in Singapore, the closest training to you would probably be Australia. Go to if you want to check it out.

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