Depression , Midlife Crisis or a marriage that's just gone bad
Married to this guy for 31 years . We were both college sweethearts and he was my first and only love as well as for him. He was the nicest and most giving and agreeable husband . We had three kids but he has always been passive aggressive and hated conflict. The three kids was a big stress as we come from two totally different race and cultural . I was the displicnary where he does not seem interest in doing anything at all unless I make him . We don't fight about money . We don't scream and yell. 5 years ago he total me he love me but not in love. He told me about him having depression and sucidal thoughts . He wanted a friendship instead of a marriage without the intimacy . I was upset and took it very personally that he was not in love and I left the home for 4 months. He did not stop me but rather happy I left . But I always reached out to him after I started reading about midlife and depression . I came back and we started trying to be a real couple but the thought of him saying he wants a sexless marriage stuck to me and so I enable him by not pressuring him or push him since we are at our 55 years age and health was an issues. I tried to be more understanding and give him space where he just sleep or watch TV. He has no friends and is a loner and never hang out with friends . Last July out of the blue, my daughter mentioned that there was something off with him . He was quiet, withdrawn and I was used to him. Being this way with me but hearing from my kid, I asked him what's wrong and then that's when he told me he does not love me, he wants to leave, he wants a divorce. He told me he constantly has thoughts of killing himself . . I was devastated and I tried to convince him to stay but he seen
sad, moody and I finally said if he is not happy to leave in the hope of giving him. Space and hoping he will miss me and the three kids. That was almost 9 months ago . After he move , he basically turn into a stranger from the most caring and loving husband , he does not communicate with him. He became very secretive about his life and he basically left and other than a dinner and movie with the kids once a week, he just abandon us. At this time I am in the process of trying to move out of the house as it is too big and costly to maintain even with his help. He had a successful medical practice and he sold it without telling me . Now he exercise and diet and buys new clothes.
He seem totally different from the person I married. He does not contact me unless it's about the divorce. I asked him to come back and try but he told me he would kill himself of he comes back to the house. At this time I don't believe he has a physical affair with another woman but maybe he is emotionally trying .
I basically leave him alone but once a while we have issues with regards to our kids and they now and me as well have anxiety , panic attacks and seeing therapist . When he first left he became from a passive to a controlling guy and was more mean and aggressive . I believe he is always trying to make me be the one who make the first move . His passive behavior always is to trigger a reaction from me but on this case I am trying to be passive. He is still taking care of the financial aspect of the family. But other than that he has not interest in anything else other than once a week wants to have dinner and movie with the kids .
What stage of midlife is he in ? It is depression ?? Or a marriage that just fallen out of love.