Use this search feature to quickly find the information you're looking for.

Do I wait?

My Husband of 20 years has left 4 months ago, he has blamed everyone for the leaving (which he denied) but we had a traumatic year and from what I can understand he felt neglected at times. I have found it difficult to regain trust in him since, he has been saying a lot of truly horrible things, and the upshot of it is that he has now bought a very small bachelor flat for himself. He maintains that there is no one else. He asked me to move into the flat and sell all of our possessions over the last 20 years. He won't consider any other type of property where I could live be more comfortable. He has been prone to nastiness so would be particularly uncomfortable in a small space. I have found somewhere else to live but suggested we continue to work on our relationship and ourselves. He has advised me that this is the end of our marriage now if I don't move in to his pad. I am not sure whether this is really a mid life crisis and whether there is any chance he will come out of this? I miss the man I married terribly and feel devastated.

Comments for Do I wait?

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 05, 2016
by: Anonymous

Thank you Noel. I feel so desperately lonely without him and to be honest it is a real struggle to try and be positive in my own life. At the moment he isn't communicating with me (because I wont move into the pad) and is threatening divorce which I find so difficult because we used to live in each other's pockets. Ultimately I would like us both to be happy and together. The bachelor pad thing is odd because he never showed any interest in that before.

Jan 03, 2016

by: Noel

I must say I agree with your judgement about moving into his pad. I can't think of a logical reason he would insist on it, as it sounds much less desirable than where you have been living. Perhaps he feels he can dominate you better in his space.

You might still wait, but I suggest you do it actively in the sense of getting on with your life as though you are not getting back together with him. Who knows, if he sees you are serious about living your own life he may become more reasonable. If he doesn't, you will have made the right decision.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.