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Do Men Ever Get Through A Midlife Crisis?

by sally

The Question

My husband is 50 and left me for a 25 year old. Do men ever come out of a mid-life crisis and how long does it take?

Noel's response

Yes, men come out of a midlife crisis. It can take anywhere from several months to five years. He may leave his 'midlife crisis relationship', and he may not.

Please read my responses to other women with similar questions, and move forward with your own life.

Comments for Do Men Ever Get Through A Midlife Crisis?

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Jun 02, 2017
What does he need from me
by: Marce

After reading all of these stories about a male mid life crisis I realize that my husband of 23 years is going through this. This has been a very shocking and painful experience for me and my children and my friends and family. It has been 8 months since he told me he was no longer in love with me and that he had contempt in his heart toward me for an affair I had 17 years prior that he had originally forgiven for. I just want to know what he needs from me. That's all because I know there is not a damn thing I can do to make him love me or come back besides pray. So asking the men out there that have gone thru this what can I do? Just accept this and allow my marriage and family to come to an end? Wait for someone else? What? I'm tired and hurt. I am helpless to change what has happened. I just want to be happy again.

Oct 11, 2016
This is a HORRIBLE situation!
by: Anonymous

I have learned that the men most at risk for midlife crisis are those with chaotic or traumatic childhood pain that has never been dealt with. It is certainly the case in my situation! My husband of 21 years, 3 teenage daughters, as 2 head off to college, he decides to cut & run. He has been binge dating 25-28 year olds (he's 49), taking them on very expensive trips, drinking and drugging like he is reliving his frat days in college. I realize that this is a journey that he must make alone, that there is nothing at all, that I can do to speed up his awakening, yet I find myself so confused at what to do. I love the man I married and HATE the monster he has become. Our children are disgusted at his vile behavior and will have so much future damage, but he does not care! It is ALL ABOUT HIM! He's always been on the Narcissistic side, but is now off the charts, and our family is appalled, hurt and completely broken. We are in the process of divorce, which he initiated, yet is dragging his feet. He is trying to hurt everyone in our family financially, draining bank accounts, hiding money and assets, missing discovery dates, ignoring attorney's advice! And he expects me to treat him with respect when he insists on showing up to events, yet he gives absolutely none in return. This is a position I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy! All I can do is trust that God has a plan, even if I cannot see any good now. God is rerouting my life! I have to have faith that this is for our highest good in the end! Good luck to all of you dealing with this! It's a horrible, horrible situation to be in! Hold onto yourselves!

Apr 29, 2016
To: Midlife Hell / Kevin's wife
by: Anonymous

I'm currently experiencing the same scenario here— coping with this insidious crisis. It is a horrific destructive force to any marriage/family. It can uproot even the most settled ones. The BEST thing you can do is to leave your husband be. The more you hound him... the more he is going to run. It hurts. It's unfair.

I suggest you read up on mid life crisis. Start by googling, 'The six stages of midlife crisis.' Your husband appears to be in stage three— the longest stage. NOTHING you say or do is going to speed up the process. He has to travel this journey alone, and only he can fix himself. The most informative site k found was, The Hero Spouse. All the best!

Apr 05, 2016
Midlife Hell
by: Kevin wife

This is a nightmare! i been trying to encourage my husband home for two and a half years out of a internet affair? He is leading a double life Married to me? When asked to come home he says Not Now or No he uses the word Whatever at me and this man is 54 years old? Nobody has done anything to him he went on the computer after his father died and abandoned all of us? after his Mom died a year later he ran four hours away,living on pennies, with ow fighting and living like a 17 year old. i got the speech ILYBNILWY on April 10,2014 he asked for a divorce but has not done anything to date since 2013? Married fifteen years still married I have to always call him and leave messages on his cell with his permission? he has my cell phone blocked and my apt phone open to call,that makes no sense? he says he is done with everybody and everything and nobody is doing anything to him? This is his choice not mine! when I last spoke with him i told him I would like to reconcile and have you come home. No emotion he said don't you have a life up there? find a friend, get a life, very Irritable, Angry, at nobody? recently i been very encouraging him to come home, but today i lost it and told him he is done he broke a loyal woman! can somebody help me to understand what i have done wrong?

Dec 08, 2013
Midlife crisis or just a selfish jerk
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have three wonderful kids. All strong pretty kids and the lives of our life. 13 weeks ago he admitted to an 8 month affair with a coworker after I found a zillion calls and texts on our phone bills. After 13 weeks or counseling he "can't get her out of his head" and he is away taking time to get clarity. " Clarity ? Really? Fine, take it but the doors to my heart are closing fast.

Apr 14, 2013
To Dylan:
by: Anonymous


Are you sure you are not just trying to make excuses for your new found selfishness? If you really look at the situation of most men going through "Mid-Life" crisis - you will see that if they were "real men" as you claim to be, you would live up to your promises and stop having a tantrum because your life didn't turn out the way you envisioned it. Your selfishness has now destroyed people's lives - yes! you! many! - even if you cannot see it.

If you were truly a good man before, I would make you a bet that so many people followed you as a model for their own lives - and now with just this one blow, they are crushed. Especially if you had children. My ex-husband said "This has nothing to do with the kids, they will be fine, it doesn't effect them." But he still treats our children as if they are still 8, 10 & 12 when in fact they are 15, 17 & 20. He barely sees them, and when he does, work is still more important to him, wow amazing how technology can seperate you from reality - he does not interact with them, but still insists on taking them. What's the point? They have been so dissilutioned by him, and keep hoping that the old father that they looked up to will come back - they are lost with no direction without this person. If your going to go, then go and leave us be. Stop tormenting us and leave us to remember you the way you were and not the spoiled little brat you've become - no one likes a bully.

If you don't like the life you are in now, and I bet you are still not happy. Just remember that these were your decisions, and yours alone to leave your family and those who truly loved you. You cannot blame someone else for your decisions.

- You are the one who decided not to try
- You are the one who decided to walk out the door
- You are the one who decided that your family wasn't worth it
- You made every decision that has put you where you are today, including every decision in the beginning of your life - don't use "I was too young to know" - everyone starts out this way - but you always have a choice.

Just remember, no one will ever love you the way your family does. Because no one will ever know you as you were and who you have become like they do. And if you think you will ever be able to have another love like that, you are lying to yourself and I really feel sorry for you.

You have thrown away everything good in life by not even trying.

Oct 19, 2012
I am one too
by: Anonymous

My husband of 8 years told me I love you but I'm not in love with you.I will always love you, and don't want to hurt you." He moved out. Three months later, I filed for divorce and I found it hard to find him to serve the papers. When I sent them certified, he would not pick them up from the post office. Finally we agreed of a legal separation.

I knew he was going through Midlife crisis but decided to roll with it until he moved in a 23 year old homeless college student woman in his apartment. I know he's going through his crisis, but do I have to wait 2-5 years? I'm struggling to make ends meet, while he's playing big daddy, take care of a hoe, to a stranger?

I don't know what the future holds, but I am in my sexual prime, fine, mature, stable and tired of the "BS". World watch out for me, cause I'm coming out.

Jun 27, 2012
My story
by: Anonymous

OMG! You are telling my story. 36-years of marriage and he gives me one hours notice and walks out the door. Doesn't say good-bye to the grandkids and hasn't seen them since and it has been 8-months. He denies an affair even though we have phone records to prove it. I am baffled beyond belief and crushed. I went to elementary school with the man.

It is incomprehensible that a man can just walk away from the people who love him. It has been 8 months now. I went through divorce recovery. It is hard to 'stop loving' someone just because they leave you.

Jun 14, 2012
read Madeline Bennet's book
by: Anonymous

I'm reading Madeline Bennet's book "Sudden Endings" and it explains so much of the psychological why that I've been asking. My husband left after 36 years of marriage and filed three weeks after he left. It was totally out of the blue and his sons and grand kids are not being seen or talked to. Just unbelievable that a man who once was so nice and loyal has done a 180. We don't know where he lives. Apparantly, it's brought on by trauma which triggers something that happened in their childhood and all the pain is transferred onto the wife as a scapegoat for their thin skin. Outwardly, they appeared confident and happy with themselves, but inwardly, they are falling apart. It's been 7 months and he hasn't talked to me or seen me and acts like I have the plague. I quit feeling so hurt because that was ruining my health So, I continue to work and keep busy. Everything in Madeline's book is right on and I wish his parents or my husband could read it and see his mistake. I doubt that things will ever be the same. I believe he has someone else and I still love him. But, it's going to take a therapist who understands his psychological break with everything.

Feb 20, 2012
Answer to Dylan
by: Anonymous

Dylan, are you an animal on four paws? For heaven's sake we're a species above them, not to be mating all over in jungle-like terrain.

If this were true, you would have to accept your new honey with the same desires to be able to allow other men/animals to have her, too. Get real silly boy.

Dec 07, 2011
Most are afraid to admit what you will read below
by: Dylan

You know, I am a man, in mid life and having huge problems. You know what? I can't get help anywhere. My wife of 30 odd years has chosen to embarrass the crap out of me with a strategy probably gotten by reading some of the nonsense written online. I have chosen to enjoy the friendship of a younger woman. Having given 1000% of myself to family and kids etc., I find myself in late 50s, wondering who I am. Life is stale, boring, and frustrating with no happiness. This person, I may add totally unrequited situation, she is honestly innocent of anything, simply let's me feel good by acknowledging me. My achievements are recognized, not taken for granted. Yes, she is also very pleasing to look at, takes care of herself. Point is, when are educated, supposedly informed people going to step back and honestly evaluate the nature of a mans mid life crisis? We are not women. We do not have the same needs. We are put together differently and frankly, being forced to live very unnatural lives by having to stay with one woman for our whole lives. We, not all mind you, but many men are not designed to be monogamous. The staleness, sameness is simply driving some of us insane. Why can't this be viewed properly and stop condemning men when they are acting according to their inherent nature. Come on, tell me that most women would choose to have other men later in life. I bet you, women on the average would go for the security of one man. Why can't we be adults? Stop condemning, belittling and embarrassing some men for trying to find sanity in their lives. Think about this, society makes us have to accept monogamy. Desiring another woman is not a mortal sin, grow up people. Look at our species, look at the natural world. Stop hammering us.

Nov 15, 2011

yes I think I am going through this now with my husband of 35yrs he has just left me for the fifth time through text messaging he did have an affair which is not him no one else in our family knows about this I just feel totally helpless because all I want to do is help and I know once he gets back to his normal self it would kill him to know what he has done.

Jul 22, 2011
mid life
by: Anonymous

my husband left me 4 yrs ago he says he still loves me. we dont know where he lives just found out he has several women friends i ask him if he was seeing someone he said no than found out he is and he told me if i wasnt willing to wait we could get a divorce. i dont want that we have been married36 yrs this yr 2011 and have lived apart 4.5 yrs.

i do love him and i know he loves me deep down so i cant give up on him he said hes going to get help. will he regret what he has done and will it stop.

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