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hanging in but confused

The question

Wow. Well first of all you hear of these stories but don't think it will happen to you, you feel you have finally gotten to that point were you have figured it all out. Life defintely does not get easier the older you get.

I have been married for 25 yrs we are both in our younger 40s so we got married young and nothing has ever been easy for us but we managed to do and get by on our own and loved each other despite a lot of fighting. I say we love each other but don't think we ever have accepted each other for who we really are. I have respected my husband for his values and hard work even when I thought he was wrong. But for more than a year I have noticed a big change in him. He became more open, which at first I liked because it seemed we were getting along better as being able to talk and he was more laid back, but then he seemed to not have any values or morals like not standing for anything and just going along with anything.

His two closest friends are going through a lot of changes. One just recently got divorced and the other is cheating and now seperated. He would tell me about some things he had talked to them about and I would listen, but then he started getting too personal with it, like making it his business and I was just finding it really odd.

He was finding it really funny and would talk and laugh to his friend and me about it like he was getting enticed by the affairs of his friends. I told him I really didn't care to hear anything about it if he was going to act stupid so he pretty much quit talking to me about it and started being really sneaky about things.

I found out a lot of things that really were inappropriate such as that he was involed in with women, lying about going to places, going to a womens house with his friend that his friend was having a affair with, and who was not separated at the time. He was also deleting everything off of his phone before he would come home.

I don't know for sure but really don't think he had an affair his self but feel he was looking for something and think he was going through some kind of mid life crisis acting like a teenager. He says he relizes now he was acting stupid, but I do feel very betrayed and just feel like we are going down seperate paths and growing apart.

Noel's response

If you as you say you are feeling betrayed, your marriage can only get worse, because you no longer trust him. I suggest you ask him to go to marriage counselling with you in order to talk about the things you need to discuss to rebuild the trust and intimacy in your marriage

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