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He says he's in love with me but doesn't want commitment

I'm a widow (of 2 years) and met a wonderful 57 year old man. He has expressed he wanted to help me around the house as I have three children at home and a rather large property to maintain. We've been seeing each other for nearly 18 months (exclusively) yet the other day he mentioned he wasn't happy with our relationship. The next sentence, though, he said he was "in love" with me and started crying.

I expressed to him that I too was "in love" with him yet I didn't necessarily have to marry.....just a monogamous relationship would be fine with me.

He's been hurt several times in previous relationships with the latest being almost 15 years. It's been at least eight years since his last serious relationship yet he still has fears of being hurt. Now he says he doesn't want a commitment yet says he's "in love with me?" Does this make sense?

Noel's response

Perhaps he is just afraid of committing to any long-term arrangement, let alone a marriage. I know a number of men who are very afraid of commitment, and I am not sure what is behind it.

You mention that you 'are in love with him' as well, and you are fine with a monogamous relationship without being married. As you have only been widowed for two years, I suggest you not get married again for at least another year, as my own experience has taught me that it takes on average about three years to get completely 'back to normal' emotionally after such a major life event.

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