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how long do i wait on my husband to come back home?

The Question:

After the loss of my husband's mother and about a year later our 19 year old grandson, who was killed in an auto accident, my husband became a person i did not know.

After 25 years of marriage he said he no longer loved me and moved out right before Christmas last year. he still pays all of our bills, comes by the house about every other week to help with chores around the house, and is very kind, but refuses to talk about us at all, nothing.

When he calls i will tell him i love him and i can feel his smile over the phone, but he will not say a word. i always thought my husband loved me and i still do, but in a lot of ways he is a stranger.

He will turn 60 in July. When he left he said he just wanted to focus on his job, work out, get more involved in the shag club (he said i didn't want to dance which is totally not true).

Please help me to understand. thank you so much!

Noel's Answer

It sounds as though you have been waiting for six months, assuming he moved out just before Christmas, 2008.

In my opinion, you have waited long enough. There is no guarantee that he is going to come back home at all. If it doesn't yet feel long enough to you, you might want to set a date for when you feel you have waited long enough, and then get a lawyer to draw up formal separation papers.

It may be that he changed because of unresolved grief, but you can't do anything about that. Only he can.

My suggestion is that you get on with your life. Spend some time thinking about what kind of life you want, what your goals, dreams and life mission are (you can find exercises to help you with this on my "Your life mission" page), and then start living that kind of life.

It may not look very different from the life you have now, but your internal feeling will be different, as you will no longer have your life on hold while you wait for him to come back.

You might let him know that you appreciate him paying the bills and helping around the house from time to time, but you are no longer waiting for him to come home. You are getting on with your life.

All the best,

Comments for how long do i wait on my husband to come back home?

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Dec 03, 2011
Did he come back?
by: Anonymous

Did your husband ever come back home?

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