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How long will this abuse go on?

by Jenny
(Melbourne Vic)

The Question

My husband and I have been married 20 years, and for the last nearly two years we have been separated because he told me ne was no longer happy in his marriage.

We have been separated twice now and both times he has worked too much (around the clock). I have been a good wife, a good mother who supported my husband while he went to play golf and done things by himself.

He started to verbally abuse me and mistreated me. I had a breakdown over this and he laughed at me.

I found out recently that he has an Asian women who he is involved with and is going to tell me about it.
He told my daughter that he was involved at her year twelve ball, and made her cry.

After he saw that she was crying he asked her if she wanted to meet her. Does this man have any emotions? He has hurt us enough. I also have a 15 year old son who loves his dad but does not want to act abusive like him.

How long does this take? What advice can you give me, I do still love this man for what and who he was.

I did everything for him, even take on the gardening and wash his car. I was virtually a slave, I didn't mind because I did it for us (my family).

BUT when he changed and mistreated me that was it I had a breakdown and when into depression and am now living with my mum. He is living in the marital home.

Please help someone!!!!!!!! What do I do?

Noel's response

From the way you describe your husband, he may be in a midlife crisis, but he is also immature. You have been his mommy all these years, after he left his first mother, and now he wants a different mommy.

My advice is to let him go. You say you were a virtual slave, but you love him for who and what he was. He is no longer that man.

Let him know you will no longer take his abuse, and that you want out.

You might also contact a lawyer to protect yourself financially, as I suspect you are not very good at standing up to him. You have every right to demand you have the marital house as well, especially if your children are living with you.

I also suggest you get some counseling/therapy for yourself, so you are able to stand up for yourself, and figure out who you are, other than an wife and mother.

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