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Husband still comes around...What does it mean & how do I respond?


My husband informed me July 2rd that he was having an affair and left on July 3rd. He's been living with his sister (near our home) and still comes by to take care of the lawn, minor home projects that were left unfinished. He claims he rarely sees the OW but they "get along" and talk and email. He doesn't have any plans for the future with this woman, but tells everyone he has been unhappy for sometime.

I've known this because he has been depressed about several stressors in our life. Our marriage, in my opinion needed some help, (our daughter left home in a bad situation, he has MS, money, his work...) and we were both going through a 'rut' however NEVER thought it was as bad as he says. Our friends and family are all shocked.

He is seeing a therapist, but tells me nothing. Other than it's always about 'me' and how I'm at fault for everything. His mood swings from angry, to crying, to wanting to be there for me. He has kissed me on the lips, hugged me, told me he will always love me (and doesn't hate me)... he's a classic sign of a man going through MLC.

He has told me he 'needs time'. I tell him I'm willing to give him the time he needs. I'm very understanding towards him. I've had an Emotional Affair myself and regretted it with every bit of my being. This is why I am so understanding. Also, the fact that he doesn't express his emotions, doesn't want to talk about anything but our kids (13 & 18), work and the weather...
I've lost 30 lbs since. I know he sees it but has never complemented me on it. HOWEVER, this morning when he came to get our 18 yo to school, he told me 2 times that I looked good today.
I was shocked!

What does it mean when your husband still wants to come around (even when I'm there, asks the kids where I am if I'm not home, shows me some affection in ways of hugs, tells me I look good....)

This isn't from a man that doesn't miss his family and is happy with the way his life is going... or is it??
Any light you can shed on me would be so appreciated.
I want him back, but he tells people he was never happy (which is obvious to everyone that he's only saying that to justify what he's done/doing) but then will say to his mom, sister and God knows who else that "She'll never truly forgive me"... what the heck does all that mean??

Noel's response

I am not sure what it means, but it sounds as though he is ambivalent about his decision to leave, and thinks you would never forgive him for his affair.

I suggest you carry on with the situation as it is now for a while longer, and if he gets to the point where he talks about maybe the two of you getting back together, you insist on marriage counseling to help you both talk you way through the hurt and betrayal, and where you go from there.

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