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I am 35, and don't know what to do.

by Tebogo Tlharipe
(South Africa (Rustenburg))

The Question

My name is Tebogo and I'm 35 years old. I went through the website and I now believe that I have a midlife crisis if I were to call it that.

But I'm not too sure if that's exactly my problem.

I'm unemployed, married with 4 kids, heavy smoker and drinker, too much worried about the future, and most of all I feel empty inside, as if there no reason to enjoy life as was the case in my early 20's.

Three years ago I quit a well-paying job for no other reason except that I felt I was trapped in something that meant less if not nothing. To a certain extent I regret that decision due to my current financial state of affairs.

I thought I could figure out excatly what I'll like to do but 3 years later I'm doubtful.

My point of departure would be to understand what my problem is, and then find out if hope is there for me.

Noel's response

It sounds as though you are in a 'life crisis', whether a midlife one or not!

It also sounds as though you are looking for what your 'life purpose' is, and have not found it, so are filling your time with inappropriate behaviours such as the heavy smoking and drinking you mentioned.

You might try doing some of the exercises on my 'Your Life Mission', Particularly the "Lifetime Goal Setting" and "Going to a Funeral" exercises. You might also find the New Warrior Adventure Training very worthwhile. There are trainings in South Africa. More information is available here:

It may also be worthwhile to look for a job that you think might be close to what you would find rewarding, and do other things, such as volunteering, to fill your longing for meaningful activity in your life.

Drinking, smoking and sitting around wondering what to do won't help. You must take some kind of action, and see where it leads. As they say, 'God will work with you, not for you'.

Good luck!

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