Use this search feature to quickly find the information you're looking for.

I cant take anymore!!!

by Gary

I am 43, i have two lovely young boys 8yr & 12yr. I have been with their mum for 23 years now. Just over a year ago i made a crap attempt on my life, (with better thought and a clearer head i would have done a more reliable job of it). It was not a cry for help as you may think, as i made all attempts not to give my location to anyone and just go and do it, however, not thinking, i left my phone in the car with me and the Police traced it to me, and from there i was taken into hospital.

My problems started 6 years ago when i came home from work one evening and found very good evidence that my missus had been entertaining another man. A big argument ensued and it absolutely destroyed me. She swore that nothing happened and that he only came around for a chat and that this was the only time he had been around before. So, i asked my then 7yr old how many times he has been around when i was at work, and he said, lots of times, even when he came home from school he was there, thing is, my partner is a compulsive liar, and has been caught out many times.

Well a year later, about 5 years ago i was working nights and came home about 3-4am. When i walked into the front room i noticed the computer still on. I had a look too see why it was on and it was on her facebook page, and there was an open conversation to a guy she knew from school and who lived nearby. The last message on the conversation said, 'COME AROUND AND FUCK ME NOW, MY BOYFRIEND IS AT WORK'. I instantly felt physically sick, i just did not know what to do, my heart sank so low. I woke her up and she was drunk, so not only had she invited a stranger around whilst drunk, but she was also drunk in charge of my 2 young boys, one of which was only 3 at the time.

Like a fool i stayed and tried my hardest to make things work, mainly for the sake of my boys. Things have been very hard since and i just can not seem too love her. When i had my breakdown i left her and the kids and moved into a flat, it was at this time i tried to take my own life. I have since come back home, trying again to fix this mess, and because my boys hated me for upsetting their mum by leaving the family home, but things are so bad now that i just cant stand being near her and sometimes i even cringe when she touches me, i try not to show this, but sometime its such a big cringe that i shiver.

I love my children so much and it hurts me to know that i want to leave them with her and make a new start. I'm not interested in meeting another woman at all, i just want to escape the fighting and arguing, as its not good for the children at all. And to be honest, we have not been intimate for about 7 months, so there's nothing other than the children to be in this relationship for, but i cant bring myself to leave as i know that in the long run the children will suffer the most. PLEASE HELP!!!

Noel's response

From the sound of it your marriage is not reconcilable and I do not agree that your children will suffer the most if you split up. There is no question they are suffering now. Children know what is going on, even if the parents think they don't.

I suggest you get the help of a qualified therapist in order to think clearly about what you want in your life.

Trying to kill yourself (and maybe succeeding this time) will certainly not help your children.

Comments for I cant take anymore!!!

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 19, 2014
Kent - Hang in there
by: Anonymous

Hi Kent,

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are going through.
Well, I can imagine it, I just haven't experienced it, yet. But I'm sure it's coming my way soon.
I truly believe in marriage, but in this situation I believe you need to get some counseling first and foremost to help you with this terrible pain and what your next steps should be. After you get through some of the pain and with some guidance from therapy, maybe then you can think about what you want to do with the marriage. But for right now you have to save yourself for you and your sons.
I understand the pain. Honestly, I do. My husband left our family after 29 years, and it's the most awful pain I have ever experienced. I too, wonder how I will get through each day, but I know this for sure - the damage I would cause my kids would be horrific if I gave up. And I love them and know they need me, just as your children love and need you. They may not always show it and they may feel protective of their mom right now, but trust me, they love and need you.
So please get help for yourself right away. You and I can get through this. Remember, you aren't alone, I'm walking that painful path with you and we will get through it.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.