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I'm 50 and 37 year old girlfriend is pregnant....

by Sebrof
(Bucks, England.)

We are both separated from previous spouses but not yet divorced. I have a 21 year old daughter and an 18 year old son with my wife. Girlfriend has 13 year old son with her husband. I was looking forward to the day when my divorce comes through and the house gets sold so that I can 'get on' with my life (I'm currently lodging at a friends as I can't afford to rent a flat while I'm still helping to pay the mortgage).

Sex life with my girlfriend is fantastic. She is on the pill so we have not been using condoms, a risk I know but we thought that 'birth control' was taken care of.

Today she tells me that she is pregnant (she got a test kit from the pharmacy... not confirmed by a doctor yet)

The problem is that we appear to want different things.. I would like her to have the pregnancy terminated as I feel that at 50 I'm too old to go through raising a child again. When I retire at 65 (hopefully), the child will only just be 15 and based on both my children and her 13 year old, children at that age require a lot of attention ... not something that I particularly want to be doing as a pensioner.

She on the other hand, doesn't want to terminate the pregnancy as she tells me that she has been through one before and that it 'messed her up' emotionally. Also, one evening after a few drinks too many she told me that she really wanted another baby. I'm not sure if she remembers telling me this as she has never mentioned it since.

I'm beginning to think that I've been forced between a rock and a hard place... If I convince her to terminate the pregnancy then I think that I'll effectively be ending our relationship too. If on the other hand I do nothing and we do end up with a baby .... I don't think I could cope with it ..... Right now I just want to bury my head in the sand and hope that it all goes away !!

Basically, she wants a baby and I dont. Now she's pregnant and I feel like I've been tricked. Is it right for me to try and persuade her to terminate the pregnancy? or should I just try and 'man up' and accept that I'm to be a father again... even though I don't want to be?

Noel's response

Sounds like a tough situation. I know what you mean about not wanting to be a Dad again at 50. We had a couple of grandchildren when we were 50, I got got worn out looking after them for just a couple of hours!

I suspect your relationship is heading for rough ground not matter what, as you will no doubt have increasing resentment over feeling tricked by your girlfriend. I recommend couple counseling to work your way through this. And do it quickly so it is not too late in the event you do decide to terminate the pregnancy.

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