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Is it a bad idea to contact the other woman, if supposedly nothing physical ever happened?

by Hollie

I am struggling with trying NOT to contact the other woman involved in my husband's crisis. I think I'd like to know her side of it. Did he pursue her? Was she about leave her husband because she unfriended him on facebook, then after my husband so called ended it, they're friends again. Did I catch them just in time? How long were they going to keep this up? My questions are non-stop for the both of them. She is married, as well, and there are kids involved and that's the only thing holding me back. HELP!!

Noel's response

There is probably nothing wrong with contacting her as long as you are prepared to live with her response, whatever it is.

Comments for Is it a bad idea to contact the other woman, if supposedly nothing physical ever happened?

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Dec 31, 2011
Is it a bad idea to contact the OW?
by: NWF in NH

Yes, it is a bad idea. Don't do it please.

The OW IS just a bandaide for his low self-esteem and needed to make him feel good only-it is the only thing he can feel right now. It will not seem that way to you though.

Almost 2 years ago I went to a motel for 2 days after my H would not make long week-end plans with me. He called looking to see if I was OK but that was all he could say. When I returned home we spent 4 hours together, intimately. The next day I called her and left a long message about about how we had been sleeping together for the past month and it back fired on me--she sent him apartment listings and he walked out the door soon after that. The 2nd night that I was gone he called her and they spoke for 2 hours over the phone from my bedroom. The support from the OW is more needed than anything right now and if you try to interfere with it--he will go her way probably. Sorry for this bad news!

The web site the above woman spoke of is called: It is full of very good info for you and has helped me greatly get thru this awful period of my life. My H has been gone for 1.5 years now and the D has been going on for longer than this; yes, he filed for the D 2 months before he left our home while he was acting like a joyful teenager(not like him at all). He was 51 yo at that time-now 53 yo. He has interupted the D process at every stage, especially when the Final Orders arrived. The Orders are in my favor(long term alimony and 60% of all assests). My H filed for the D after only 4 weeks of long-distance telephone conversation with the OW; still an emotional affair at that point but vows broken when his sister gave him air miles to fly to Fla. 3 weeks later. The tele affair started on Valentine's Day 2010. I guess my H didn't like his Valentine's Day card that I gave to him; it didn't rub his ego enough, not respectful enough!!! He had been acting self-righteous, my way or the high-way, and extremely argumentative for 2 or 3 years by the time I bought this funny Val. Day card that he didn't like.

He lies all the time to me and everyone else and has "Heinz 57 Varieties of Excuses" whenever I ask him for anything. He will not accommodate any request at all!! I have learned that much of his behavior is called Passive/Agressive Behavior and has been there all along. I did not know why he acted so strangely--I thought he was just a jerk for many years--and he still is but now he has an excuse for it. It is called Midlife Crisis and PA behavior and I am extremely frustrated by it all.

Anywho!! I advise you not to call the OW.

Hugs for you, NWF

Dec 31, 2011
similar situation
by: elligirltam

Hello. I have been able to talk to my H's other woman. It went peaceable. I let her know she was a home wrecker & she agreed that she is. It did some good for me but it changed nothing.
My advice to you, "Just let it go." Life goes on & live it.
At first I wanted to hurt my H as much as he hurt me. Realizing that there is no way I can hurt him that much, no matter how hard I try has given me a peace of mind. The key is: "Just let it go." (Let him go.) No it is not easy but it is do-able.
My H was regrets but I don't. I have talked with him & her to learn from it... In your case it might not go well talking with the other woman. So, be prepared for whatever may happen if you talk with her. My H hated that I talked with his. He cooked his goose. LOL! Cause he was caught in lies. Duh.
Learn to let him go... That is what I am doing.
My soon to be ex-husband doesn't deserve me.

Dec 31, 2011
The other woman is just a bandaid! Fact!
by: Anonymous

Honey, don't beat yourself up about it. The other woman is just a band-aid to make your H feel good that's all. Trust me, I am going through the exact same thing.

Check out this website, The Heros Spouse.

Join up to the forum, there are luvly folk on there that will help you understand and guide you. Do it now, you will be glad you did.

Hugs to you xx

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