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Is it midlife crisis?

I really hope you can help me understand whats happening with my husband

We have been together 11yrs, married 3. He is 38, i am 32.
We have always had a great relationship, always been so close.
Last year he was working extremely hard towards a promotion at work, all hours available. In January i collapsed and was diagnosed with Endo and ovarian cysts, i needed surgery. I required a lot of support from my husband, especially after surgery. So he was under pressure at work and home, collecting prescriptions and shopping after work. He started to feel taken advantage of, by everyone, he sent me a text about it after we’d had an argument before work, but i missed the signs. At the end of the text he told me he loved me and was sorry i went to work upset
He had become very quiet, friends had noticed, i assumed it was due to work as he’d had a setback with his promotion
A month later he had packed a bag and moved out, saying he ‘cared about me but didnt love me anymore’, It ‘wasnt working, and he HAD to leave’. He assured me there was no-one else
2 weeks later he was living with an employee (who is also married). She is a very weak and insecure person, easily manipulated. He got her to put her house (shared with her husband) on the market within WEEKS. Also booked her flights home (Hungary) to start divorce proceedings. He seems to have complete control over her life. She looks a little like me, and he even took her to see my favourite band a couple weeks after leaving (she had no idea who they were)
They have OUR friends over and cook for them as a couple, just like we used to do. Its like he has replaced me, so maybe the problem was just me?
After speaking to her husband it seems their relationship isnt even 3months old (although they may have hidden the beginning well). They have little in common, going to cinema twice a week, even to see Disney movies (which she loves but i know my husband HATES). She was also engaged to someone else when she met her current husband. They are very poor as supporting 3 households but i know my husband is very money driven
I text my husband recently asking to borrow our satnav. He replied with extreme anger, then stated he wanted to start divorce proceedings soon. After i replied saying i would not agree to a divorce until I am ready, he responded asking if i wanted to meet to talk about it? ‘Whenever is good for me’
I also suspect he has started gambling again, during our relationship he had two bad instances of this which i forgave but took control of.
My husband has turned into a controlling monster who i dont even recognise, and all seemingly in the space of a few weeks since he left.
Is this a midlife crisis? Or just who he really is?
I would really appreciate any advice on this
I do still love my husband, and if this is a crisis i am prepared to wait and support him through it, he has supported me through some dark times. I also take my marriage vows seriously
Any advice is welcome
Thank you

Comments for Is it midlife crisis?

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Jan 14, 2017

by: Noel

It be a midlife crisis, but it may also be his 'true colours'. Or maybe a combination of both.
You are right to take your time with granting a divorce. There is no rush. Just make sure you protect yourself financially: take his name off of any jointly-held credit cards and bank accounts, and make sure he cannot borrow against your house equity, etc.
Also, read the many other blog posts here from women who have similar stories.
Other readers may also have excellent suggestions.
Good luck!

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