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Is my husband going through a mid-life crisis?Is he going to leave me?

The Question

My husband and I have been together for 12+ years. We have always been inseparable,truly enjoying one another's company and very loving with each other. He is kind,loving, tolerant, positive and a patient man. He has a great sense of humour as well.

He turned 46 a few months ago, but for the last year he has become very distant and intolerant of me. He doesn't want to talk or share any feelings with me anymore. When he does finally open up he lashes out at me and says the reason that he doesn't say anything is because of me getting upset by what he says.

I have tried everything I can think of to have him understand that he always blames me for why he acts the way he does. He won't work on our marriage because he says that all we will do is argue. Sex has become maybe once a month. He has trouble with erections. He doesn't say that he loves me like he used to during or after sex. It's sex not love making anymore. I have tried to express to him some of my feeling like we are disconnected.

He left 2 days ago after I asked him to stay and work things out, he went to his parents, hasn't called.

He mentions often that he is old, out of shape. Talks about his wrinkles on his face, how his skin looks old on his hands & legs, he says he has no butt anymore or thighs, and can't get it up. He lost his job the end of September. I don't know what to do. I love him with every ounce of my being. I need help, advice, guidance, something... anything.

Lost in love

Noel's response

It sounds as though he may be having a midlife crisis, as his world is falling apart (physical appearance, sexual performance, and now his job... all the things a man often identifies himself with).

I can only recommend that you get some counselling to help get yourself through this situation. I do not know when, or whether he will come back. Take care of yourself, let him know you love him, but that you cannot put your life on hold for him.

He will get through this stage, but there is no way to predict when, or what he will be like when he does.

Comments for Is my husband going through a mid-life crisis?Is he going to leave me?

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Jan 28, 2014
Where's my husband!
by: Anonymous

I noticed some distance with my husband the last few months. He has always been loving, kind and always tells me how blessed he is to be with me. He has always showers me with love and surprises me with romantic gifts and getaways. I don't understand what happened but we don't have sex like we use to (use to be almost everyday). He did notice he wasn't getting aroused and it really bothered him. I am a very beautiful attractive woman and a good wife and mother (his words). I noticed things changing when he lost a lot of money gambling but I was very supportive during this time. I was quite patient and kind. I didn't want to make it worse and told him I still love him and we will get through it. We both work and can build our savings back. He went on a trip and at first he lied and said it was for work but then told Nehemiah was checking out the area to see if he may want to move there without me or out kids and didn't want to tel me until he knew what he was going to do. I questioned if he was seeing someone else and he said it isn't. I asked what he wanted and he said to die. We have always been best friends and our life was going incredibly well. Great jobs, promotions, attentiveness, awesome love making and then boom, he's depressed. I'm trying to help him but don't know whether he's cheating and just lying or if he's depressed or in a MLC. Help! Don't know what to do or believe. I want my husband back. Everyone who knows us can't believe this is happening, as everyone would always say that I had such a great husband and that they could see how crazy he was about me. They would also say they wish they had that. Well I wish I had too and I'm wondering if I will ever get my husband back. Any advice would be great.

Jan 09, 2013
mid life
by: Anonymous

I am quiet distraught Husband left a few days ago. feel lost without him. Not sure if he is havimg affair with a co-worker, whose phone number I found a few months ago, Spoke with her on the phone and she insist she has a boyfriend and nothing ever happened. Not sure if he has let to be with her or if it;s MLC?

Jun 16, 2011
what to do
by: Heidi

My husband of almost 12 years has lost it! I can't even have a civil conversation with him, he goes into these rages and they are directed at me. I left our home because he asked but I am feeling lonely and useless.

It is hard to see that any of this will work if he doesn't want a relationship with me, I found out that he has been texting other woman on a web site called married but lonely. I read the filth on this site and wonder what I should do

Dec 30, 2010
midlife crisis at 24
by: Anonymous

My husband is what I think to be in a midlife crisis as well. At first I thought it impossible but I have seen so many changes in him within the past month.

I've tried talking to him as well as the family he just says nothings wrong . He is very distant and blames me for everything. We have been together since we were 17 yrs old and started our little family of three, started working young and never had a normal teenage yrs. We have been through so much we could write a book.

However I have never gave up and I still haven't but I can't wait for him to snap out of it and we have bills that won't go away and a beautiful daughter who's needs love and attention.

Hopefully this is a temporary issue. Does anybody think this is a midlife crisis or simply a guy who doesn't care about his priorities?

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