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Is my husband having a midlife crisis?

by Emma
(Devon UK)

I have been with my husband since i was 16 and i am now 40. He was my best friend and soul mate. 18 months ago he lost his job and our oldest daughter announced she was pregnant, and he changed. He suddenly decided to try and find old friends on facebook,and got in contact with his girlfriend from 30 years ago (he is 6 years older than me). He found out she had cancer and sent flowers to her and that was the start of the slippery slope. He visited her at Christmas 2010 after lying to me and saying he was job hunting away from home. After promising me it would never happen again, he went to see her again 3 months later when she had reconstructive surgery.

I told him then that it would be over if he ever did it again, especially as he had no income and was using my wages to pay for it. Our financial situation by this time was dire and threats from debt collection agencies came daily.
When he decided that he would have more luck finding a job in a more central location i agreed as we live in a remote part of the UK and jobs are had to come by and badly paid. He said he was registering with agencies and would leave for 4-5 days at a time to look for work. Stupidly despite not being sure he was telling the truth i did believe that he loved me-especially when he begged me not to leave him. Finally after 3 months of him going away regularly he sent a text saying he wasnt coming back and that was 13 weeks ago. My daughters aged 21 and 15 have cut all contact with him and changed their phone numbers. My son aged 19 speaks to him once a week but has no faith in him. My husband denied his ex was involved but i contacted her on facebook and she said she didn't see the problem as our marriage ended several years ago. She has been to my house and met my children so she must know this isn't true. The irony is her husband left her for someone else and with huge debts and now she has done it to me. My friends and children believe this is less about love and more about him escaping from the debts caused by him not working. We had an amazing marriage until 18 months ago and i truly believed once he was working everything would be fine. I now have all the debt companies threatening me for payment and he is not contributing anything. I have filed for divorce and it is breaking my heart because i have lost my sole mate and because i am probably going to be left with nothing if i have to go bankrupt. He was 45 when this started and i believe it may be a midlife crisis that he will end up regretting. He has lost me and our daughters and as he lives 5 hours away is not going to have any kind of relationship with our son. I feel bereft.

Noel's response

It sounds as though you are in a very difficult situation. He may well be in a midlife crisis, and he may end up regretting his actions, but I think you are doing the right think by moving on with your life.

Comments for Is my husband having a midlife crisis?

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Jan 15, 2012
Iam in your situation!
by: Anonymous

I am in the exact same situation as you, the debt, the other woman is even from my husbands past, just a girl he went to school with. Your husband has run away from his problems, his debt, he thinks his new life will solve his problems, it won't. His problems are within himself.

Honey, please visit this website. "The Heros Spouse" it will help you. There is heaps of information to help you, people in your situation to talk to. Protect yourself financially but I would suggest stalling that divorce!

He's running away, it will catch up with him eventually.

Go to website today, get help!

Good luck honey xx

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