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Is my husband just staying cause it is easy?

The Question

Although our relationship has had its ups and downs we have always seemed to get through.

We recently renovated out current house together, have both got nice carshehas a big boat, bike, shed full of tools etc . We have two boys aged 9 and 17, although he struggles to have a great relationship with both the boys, he is a great dad and always has been.

He came to me 5 weeks ago and said he did not love me anymore and wanted someone to love. I was devastated. I told him I love him and he said yeah but you want it reciprocated. Ever since that day my world has been shattered. His obsession with bulking up his body at the gym is more important than anything. Nearly every conversation is about why his not bigger with all the work he has put in, maybe steroids is the answer.

He has not left and I am questioning why. I know staying is such an easier answer for him as he has said this before, but at whose expense?

When I was sleeping the spare room and we did have sex it was intimate and loving.

This last week he sent me a text saying "about moving out I think we should leave things as is and see what happens" he did not say he wanted to try to make it work. We had a lovely weekend, however he did comment how a young chick checked him out at the markets - this is so not him.

I went back to sleeping in our bed and was awakened by him just wanting a quick f**k the other night it was back to his selfish self admitted traits.

I don't know what to do. Many are telling me to stroke his ego about his gym and compliment how great he looks however I don't think for one second it is me who he wants to be noticed by.

I love my husband with all my heart we have been together since he was 21 and i 17, I am now 35 and he is 41. Please help me. I need advice on how to not let my confusion and anger destroy what we have left.

Noel's response

My suggestion is you tell him to move out, unless he wants to commit to your marriage, and work things out. He is getting a free ride, and contributing nothing.

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