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Is there hope

My husband of 25 years, my soulmate and best friend, everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Told me, out of the blue that he doesnt want a divorce but needs space to work out all his resentments toward me he cant forgive me for. I am blown away. We have had bumps in the road but this was out of the blue. He tried to completely blame me, still does even though I caught him having an emotional affair(texting and phoning because she lives 500 miles away) and writing sex/love stories about an old girlfriend he reconnected with on the internet. He talks about things that I dont even remember and is very inconsistent. He says he could end his affair if he thought there was hope for us. I started to work on myself immediately and he became resentful of me for that. We have counseled but he lies in counseling. I dont think He has a clue what is going on with Him, myself. But I feel devastated that our whole life may have been a lie. I am living my life giving him his space, he is staying at our weekend lake getaway, and he vaguely gets in touch once in awhile. He still has issues He says. Is There Hope?

Noel's response

I suspect the only way there is still hope is if you go to marriage counseling. If he has a bunch of resentments, and tries to work them out on his own, it is not likely to work. The only way I know of to truly let go of resentments is to talk about them as they are usually based on false assumptions. Ideally, when one or the other of you feels a resentment, he or she would talk about them, using 'I statements' as soon as they happen.

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