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Is this mid-life crisis? Please help me

by Kim
(Olympia, WA)

The Question

This past year my husband has forgotten our anniversary and my birthday, in all the years (13), he has never forgotten them. Our sex life has changed as well. No more passionate kisses, nor does he touch me when he does choose to have sex with me. We sleep in the same bed, however, he now sleeps on his side and as far away from me as possible.

He is like two different people, in front of others he is so nice, kind and loving but once it is just us, he puts this wall up and just stares at the T.V. If I try talking he gets angry, or just doesn't know I am talking.

He will be 52 and I am 49. I have asked him if he is seeing someone, does he want a divorce, which he said NO to both. I am scared, why this past year has he pushed me away, why has our sex life changed, I really want my husband back, I love him with all my heart and my heart is breaking.

Noel's response

It sounds as though he is in a midlife transition, which can be a very introspective and difficult time for a man (or woman). Chances are he is struggling with many changes in his sense of himself, his job, even his values.

Men in this situation can become introverted, irritable and pre-occupied.

My only suggestion is that you give him as much space as you can, and carry on with your life as best you can. As you are age 49, your own change in the form of menopause is coming, and you may find yourself experiencing wild mood swings, introspection, and the desire to 'escape'.

It is important that you both be as kind and patient as possible through this transition.

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May 01, 2011
An Up Date
by: Kim

I wrote to you a last Year or possible the year before that. I am now 50 and my Husband is 52. Today, he screamed at me and told me I do not respect him and that if I disrespect him 1 more time he is divorcing me.

I have quit smoking and I have my own issues. Yes, I am seeing a counselor and no he is not coming with me.

Noel, My heart is still breaking. We have 15 years together, and I feel he is looking for anyway out. can this marriage be saved?
God bless,

Noel's response
I can't answer that question, but it is one your counselor might be able to help you address.

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