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It is driving me mad

by NWF
(Seacoast New Hampshire)

The Question

My 52 year old husband is having a midlife crisis and left the house almost four months ago for an apartment 20 minutes away. We have a 16 year old son so he wanted to be nearby for visitation rights.

Yes, he filed for divorce less than 2 months after his emotional needs started to be validated by another woman, an ex from high school no less, that broke his heart 34 years ago. This whole situation is enough to drive me mad!

Recently he has told my son; "I never saw this coming." I asked him about this and he gave me another excuse about us, not the real reason within him. He told me a week after that; "I know you are in pain and I am in pain also." And other statements like; "I am not ready to believe you yet (about loving him)."

What do these statements mean to him? I don't think he has a broken heart like I do so what kind of pain is he feeling? Is it good news that he tells me these few sentences? What is it that he "never saw coming?" Is it guilt, depression, that he has done some stupid things such as having an affair? Please try to help me with these questions Noel, or anyone else that may have dealt with this for themselves.

Noel's response

As far as 'not seeing it coming', I have heard from many men who suddenly want to make changes in their lives. They have felt happy and fulfilled, and then one day they don't. Sometimes it is their career, sometimes it is their spouse, but it takes them by surprise when they suddenly find they are no longer happy with their situation.

Many women, as they enter menopause, find the same thing.

Regarding your question 'what do these statements mean to him?', I don't know, as I do not know him.

Comments for It is driving me mad

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Oct 10, 2010
It is driving me mad!
by: NWF

Noel, I beg to differ with you, menopause is not the same as viropause / andropause. Women do not destroy the finances and take off for the closest thing that resembles a man to validate all of their false issues with their husband during menopause. I have been there also and finished with it. I feel great now!!

I know that doctors will not tell these men what their problem is, nor tell then not to have an affair as it will destroy the whole family's life, unless they have a female doctor of course.

Men tell other men to "go with it, you will be happier." BAD ADVICE! Well, it destroys most men and they don't even remember most of it and then they want go home broken to be taken care of by the person they just destroyed.

This whole business just sucks! Who is going to take care of US because of their MLC? US also, because we are strong--we are women. We need to be loved not hurt!

These men have no courage and they are all weak that do this to their families. They have FREE WILL and they all take it and leave. How 'bout the hurting wife thru this whole mess, she doesn't leave her man. She has to ride his rollercoaster of emotions and suffer worse than he does.

No harm meant Noel. Just my opinion.


Noel's comment

You are right that women in general don't chase after younger men during menopause. But many women DO leave their husbands during for a period of time during menopause. Sometimes permanently.

No matter who leaves, the one left feels the hurt.

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