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left for a younger woman!

by lisa

My husband and I have been married for 10 years with 2 young children. He decided that he wasn't in love with me anymore. He stated that he cares more than I will ever think and loves me but isn't in love with me. I found out that he's been texting this lady. I asked him to leave not because of the texting but because of his reasons of why he was texting her and what was said in the texts. I have been dealing with this the best I can. He comes to the house every night to see the boys and to help with stuff around the house. He will not pack his stuff. He has been staying with this woman for almost 3 months. The kids miss him and I miss him dearly. I'm finding myself to be angry more and more when he's around. I don't like to fight. We seem to fight more now, so I asked him for space and he says he can't do that because he will miss the kids and wants to keep a good relationship with them.

He just bought the house 3 houses away from our home. He tells me he cares a lot about me and wants to work past this but he's still with this new woman. Tonight he finally came and said he will give me space cause he sees all the pain he has caused.

I love him very much and would like to know if this is some midlife problem? Everyone else I have talked to says they think so. I have asked him to go to counseling with me and he says anything that will make me happy again he's willing to do. The only thing is he said he's not coming home but wants to keep everything normal as we can for the kids.

Close family and friends say kick him to the crib and heal and move on. If anyone has any good ideas what's going in with this 40 year old man please help.

Noel's response

It sounds as though he could be in a midlife transition. My suggestion is that how that he has a house, tell him to move his stuff into it. If he is just three doors away, your kids can go back and forth between you. There is a family on our block that has done that for the past eight years, and their kids are almost grown.

If he doesn't move his stuff out, pick a sunny day, and put it all on the street, or his lawn, or even your lawn, so he will have to take it to his house.

If he is willing to go to counseling, then go with him, and take it from there.

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